A week or two ago: tempus vomit

Steve…Irwin…dead? How the fuck did this happen. I mean, I know how it happened, but how could it happen? The man who taught us to poke deadly creatures with sticks… The man who taught us that it’s okay to wave infants in front of crocodiles… The invincible Steve Irwin. It’s a sign of the Apocalypse, I tell you.
Now all we’re left with Jeff Corwen. True, he’s the coolest wannabe ever…but he’s just that—a wannabe. But, maybe his career will skyrocket, now that he’s at the top…or maybe people who have never heard of him
Well, in lighter news, I heard “Stairway to Heaven” backwards. You see, that’s one of the few songs that actually have something to say. I was told it was a verse-long Satanic anthem, but when I reversed it all that I heard was an emphatic “Satan” twice and a shaky “666.” How boring. But, there is still hope: I recorded it off of the radio using a cheap microphone and the default sound recorder. I’m hoping to hear Queen’s “Another one bites the dust,” which is supposed to say “it’s fun to smoke marijuana.” And then there’s supposedly a Weird Al song that says “Satan eats cheese whiz.” No “Paul is dead,” but oh well.
Now that we’ve lost the sombreness, it’s time for that English lesson I promised: the use of profanity. Now, swear words are a very important thing in a language: they give teens a reason to learn foreign words, spark censorship debates, and everyone recognises them. I mean, what’s the most unchanging word in the Romance languages? Merda. Even in Romania, where a mater is a mama and a caballus a cal, merda is still merda. And even a French mère atop her cheval will concede that it’s merde. Why do I bring this up? Because our profanities are collapsing. Now, sure, certain words can be used as interjections, and colloquial expressions like “this shit is great” are perfectly fine—after all, swearing is largely colloquial. However, even profanities have their own, separate meanings and associated phrases. I have heard—I shit you not—“what the balls?” Are we really that pathetic? Admittedly, this is an extreme example—but we are rushing to the edge of a precipice. If this trend isn’t fixed, in a couple of generations we will hear, in common speech, “kiss my fuck.” If that were to happen, I think I would be too embarrassed to admit that I could speak English.