Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Hi there! I just got done with the book Godless. It was an interesting read. Well, the book Club meeting on it will be very interesting. You see, the local "Teen Extreme" (it's scary when those kind of retarded gimmick names that do more harm than good don't get to you) book club (Half expected it to be spelled with a "k", didn't you?) is really just a bunch of people (most of whom haven't read the book) hanging out and chatting (I'm going to squeeze in another set of parenthesis, just for the fuck of it). Oddly enough, all of the people who never read the book voted for it, and those who always read the book booed and said (and I quote) "I'm not reading that godless book!" Might I add that this was all due to the title. That just shows you how much of a fucked-up fundie state I live in. I mean, no one I've heard of is pushing for creationism to be taught around here, so I guess it's okay, but some fundies say "but the Earth is only 6000 years old!" during science/history class. So it's not exactly Kansas, but it's far from England. Anyway, it's in a couple of days, and I'll inform you of what happens then.




Also, for those of you who like funny parts of the Bible, i.e.



Matthew 21:5-7 KJV-1611
(5) Tell yee the daughter of Sion, Behold, thy king commeth vnto thee, meeke, and sitting vpon an Asse, and a colt, the foale of an Asse.
(6) And the Disciples went, and did as Iesus commanded them,
(7) And brought the Asse, and the colt, and put on them their clothes, and they set him thereon.



I have found the funniest Bible ever! It's called The Message, and it's a paraphrased piece of shit in casual language! Here's those same verses:



Matthew 21:5-7 MSG
(5) Tell Zion's daughter, "Look, your king's on his way, poised and ready, mounted On a donkey, on a colt, foal of a pack animal."
(6) The disciples went and did exactly what Jesus told them to do.
(7) They led the donkey and colt out, laid some of their clothes on them, and Jesus mounted.

And if you think that's funny, here's Genesis 1:

Genesis 1:1-31 MSG
(1) First this: God created the Heavens and Earth--all you see, all you don't see.
(2) Earth was a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness. God's Spirit brooded like a bird above the watery abyss.
(3) God spoke: "Light!" And light appeared.
(4) God saw that light was good and separated light from dark.
(5) God named the light Day, he named the dark Night. It was evening, it was morning-- Day One.
(6) God spoke: "Sky! In the middle of the waters; separate water from water!"
(7) God made sky. He separated the water under sky from the water above sky. And there it was:
(8) he named sky the Heavens; It was evening, it was morning-- Day Two.
(9) God spoke: "Separate! Water-beneath-Heaven, gather into one place; Land, appear!" And there it was.
(10) God named the land Earth. He named the pooled water Ocean. God saw that it was good.
(11) God spoke: "Earth, green up! Grow all varieties of seed-bearing plants, Every sort of fruit-bearing tree." And there it was.
(12) Earth produced green seed-bearing plants, all varieties, And fruit-bearing trees of all sorts. God saw that it was good.
(13) It was evening, it was morning-- Day Three.
(14) God spoke: "Lights! Come out! Shine in Heaven's sky! Separate Day from Night. Mark seasons and days and years,
(15) Lights in Heaven's sky to give light to Earth." And there it was.
(16) God made two big lights, the larger to take charge of Day, The smaller to be in charge of Night; and he made the stars.
(17) God placed them in the heavenly sky to light up Earth
(18) And oversee Day and Night, to separate light and dark. God saw that it was good.
(19) It was evening, it was morning-- Day Four.
(20) God spoke: "Swarm, Ocean, with fish and all sea life! Birds, fly through the sky over Earth!"
(21) God created the huge whales, all the swarm of life in the waters, And every kind and species of flying birds. God saw that it was good.
(22) God blessed them: "Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Ocean! Birds, reproduce on Earth!"
(23) It was evening, it was morning-- Day Five.
(24) God spoke: "Earth, generate life! Every sort and kind: cattle and reptiles and wild animals--all kinds." And there it was:
(25) wild animals of every kind, Cattle of all kinds, every sort of reptile and bug. God saw that it was good.
(26) God spoke: "Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature So they can be responsible for the fish in the sea, the birds in the air, the cattle, And, yes, Earth itself, and every animal that moves on the face of Earth."
(27) God created human beings; he created them godlike, Reflecting God's nature. He created them male and female.
(28) God blessed them: "Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge! Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air, for every living thing that moves on the face of Earth."
(29) Then God said, "I've given you every sort of seed-bearing plant on Earth And every kind of fruit-bearing tree, given them to you for food.
(30) To all animals and all birds, everything that moves and breathes, I give whatever grows out of the ground for food." And there it was.
(31) God looked over everything he had made; it was so good, so very good! It was evening, it was morning-- Day Six.

Ain't that something? I can just imagine God in this one saying "Hehe... neat." when He sees the stuff is good. This Bible is easy to find: it's cover is white with a golden sun with big rays coming out, and the words "The Message" written in conflicting fonts (ala Night of the Living Dead). It's crazy.

But I'm running out of time. So until then, here's another passage:

Leviticus 21:18-20 KJV-1611
(18) For whatsoeuer man hee be that hath a blemish, he shall not approche: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,
(19) Or a man that is broken footed, or broken handed,
(20) Or crooke backt, or a dwarfe, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scuruy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken:

Leviticus 21:18-20 MSG
(18) That means anyone who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed,
(19) crippled in foot or hand,
(20) hunchbacked or dwarfed, who has anything wrong with his eyes, who has running sores or damaged testicles.