Posts
I have an idea for a study. I am a compulsive language learner. If I am puzzled by something foreign, I try to understand it. I am currently spread thin over four languages. I am using four different methods and have four different success rates. I will try and find which method works best. Currently, from best to worst, they are: Latin-independent study with a set program, Spanish-school class, Old English-independent study with no set course, Frisian-listening to internet radio in that language. The results so far are as follows:
I have been at Latina for a few weeks, and know a lot of grammar and have somewhat of a vocabulary—or at least too much to try and write down. I like that I can set my own schedule and learn at my own pace, but it’s easy to forget to do it for a while.
Español I have been at since the beginning of the school year, however it is so slow. It would be great to talk to others with it, if they picked up languages quickly. But they don’t, except for exchange students, who I am never partnered up with. But, it does have a wealth of information, if they ever get around to it.
I have tried Énglisc since sometime last year, and have the grammar down fairly well—it’s like Latin, but simpler. As for vocabulary…Er, let’s not talk about that. But, there’s always the time for more.
The last language is the reason that this article is so simple—it’s hard to concentrate on blogging with Frysk blaring in your ear. I’m starting to understand it a bit more, but don’t ask me to speak it. It’s supposed to be 80% similar to English, but that remaining 20% is more than you’d think.
An English lesson would be highly appropriate, but I need these last six minutes to post this on my blogs, and this Frisian radio is polluting my mind.
Friday, 19 May 2006
Friday, May 05, 2006: Is it correct to say "this individual..." in reference to a conformist?
Well, that AP test genuinely and royally sucked. Actually, it wasn’t that bad. It kind of sucked at the beginning, however. I was sick with an odd mix of nerves and under-cooked and under-washed old turkey that fell in disgusting water. Don’t ask me why I ate it. But in about ten or twenty minutes it was over, and I hadn’t missed anything.
Which brings me to the rules and ceremony of the Advanced Placement test: we started with a slow creep toward the main section—filling out the sacred name form. Our charismatic leader, the proctor, slowly led us through the process, giving us exact instructions and wasting a ridiculous amount of time. We were to do exactly what she said when she said it and not an instant sooner. Not to mention our gag rule—to reference the subject. The test, you see, consists of three parts: a multiple choice section of eighty questions, a document-based question (DBQ), and two free response questions. According to the AP gods, we may never speak of the multiple choice questions with anyone. The free response questions mayn’t be discussed until our history teacher gives them back to us, forty-eight hours after the test—which by my watch is on Sunday. The DBQ, to the best of my knowledge, is fair game. I, however, have not the time to mention it—save that it sucked—and will commence that task later.
Which brings me to the rules and ceremony of the Advanced Placement test: we started with a slow creep toward the main section—filling out the sacred name form. Our charismatic leader, the proctor, slowly led us through the process, giving us exact instructions and wasting a ridiculous amount of time. We were to do exactly what she said when she said it and not an instant sooner. Not to mention our gag rule—to reference the subject. The test, you see, consists of three parts: a multiple choice section of eighty questions, a document-based question (DBQ), and two free response questions. According to the AP gods, we may never speak of the multiple choice questions with anyone. The free response questions mayn’t be discussed until our history teacher gives them back to us, forty-eight hours after the test—which by my watch is on Sunday. The DBQ, to the best of my knowledge, is fair game. I, however, have not the time to mention it—save that it sucked—and will commence that task later.
Thursday, May 04, 2006: ΛTΛLNTIS, THE ISLΛND, what’s with all of the lambdas? When will people realise how moronic that looks?
Well, it is now upon us. AP US History test day. That would be part of the reason that I haven't posted in so long. Actually, that's a lie. It's because of the trouble I had posting the review of Όρνιθες. But, at any rate, here I am, about to take a four hour test on my least favourite subject. I feel decently confident, but still, it's rather unnerving.
Especially the essays. Now, I can write a mean essay, but there is the problem of time constraint and legibility. First of all, time. I take a while to write. A long while. I used to have to hand in half-essays on test days. This would be partially due to the second problem: my handwriting. No one likes my script: it confuses, it drives people to the edge, it makes them want to shoot themselves, and it may even have caused some minor wars. It is looping, full of flourishes, and all-in-all 1800’s-ish. Sans neatness. It runs together, it flies wild, it dances across the page—and I mean that in the worst possible way. So, if they can read it, I get it done on time, and I don’t get an essay on labour unions, I should be set.
But, enough about that. There are more important things than AP. I think… All right, I can’t think of anything at the moment, but I’m working on it…
Especially the essays. Now, I can write a mean essay, but there is the problem of time constraint and legibility. First of all, time. I take a while to write. A long while. I used to have to hand in half-essays on test days. This would be partially due to the second problem: my handwriting. No one likes my script: it confuses, it drives people to the edge, it makes them want to shoot themselves, and it may even have caused some minor wars. It is looping, full of flourishes, and all-in-all 1800’s-ish. Sans neatness. It runs together, it flies wild, it dances across the page—and I mean that in the worst possible way. So, if they can read it, I get it done on time, and I don’t get an essay on labour unions, I should be set.
But, enough about that. There are more important things than AP. I think… All right, I can’t think of anything at the moment, but I’m working on it…
Thursday, April 06, 2006: Why can I never remember the titles I think up?
You wouldn't believe the kind of people I have to put up with at my school. Listen to what happened in my Pre-AP (supposedly the more intelligent ones) English class: yesterday we had a discussion on the book The Sun Also Rises. Due to all of the people who left this country in it, we started by going into our pre-assigned groups and making a list of ten reasons we would or will leave the country. We came up with things like "if there were extreme prejudice against a group to which I belonged" (of course, I was referring to Atheists) and "if Jeb Bush were elected President." Then we had a discussion. Our group was asked, and we went with the prejudice one. Then our teacher casually changed what question he had asked, insisting that he had asked what would make great numbers of people leave, as opposed to just us, being what he had actually asked. So, we went with our first one: if the draft were re-instated. Apparently, we were the first ones to come up with it all day, even though we were the second-to-last class. So, the teacher read a quote from a congressman about his draft plan. He said that the everyone between the ages of 18 and 26 would be eligible--all classes, males and females. At "and females," the class went into uproar. I shit you not, they were ecstatic about how horrible the new draft would be if it included females. There arguments were fairly houmourous, though. They said "well, then you'd kill off an entire generation, instead of leaving the females" and "well, men are the stronger, tougher ones, so they should go and leave the women behind." And before I get a bunch of misandrists saying how horrible and typical those guys are, please note that no males argued against that idea. We had a bunch of women--in school and wearing pants--saying about how all of the seventeenth century misogynist ideas are, in their opinion, correct! I retorted: "What? So now that sexism is taken out of the equation, it's suddenly a horrible thing?" To which they responded with more sexist and misogynist talk, followed by discussion amongst themselves.
And this isn't the first case of bigotry in that class. Many were talking about how horrible Atheists are some time ago. They never discussed reasons for it, merely the idea. But, I don't remember enough about that incident to comment on it sufficiently.
At any rate, time for today's English lesson: number VII--mathematical operations. Fill in the blank: to order someone to do the following operation: 9+7, you tell them to _____ nine and seven. If you said "plus," then this is for you. "Plus," "minus," and "times" aren't mathematical operations--they are symbols. One times one is one, but if you multiply one and one, you get two. No exceptions. Good bye for now.
And this isn't the first case of bigotry in that class. Many were talking about how horrible Atheists are some time ago. They never discussed reasons for it, merely the idea. But, I don't remember enough about that incident to comment on it sufficiently.
At any rate, time for today's English lesson: number VII--mathematical operations. Fill in the blank: to order someone to do the following operation: 9+7, you tell them to _____ nine and seven. If you said "plus," then this is for you. "Plus," "minus," and "times" aren't mathematical operations--they are symbols. One times one is one, but if you multiply one and one, you get two. No exceptions. Good bye for now.
Monday, March 16, 2006: Since I always accidently use it, I switched to British English. Tell me if it looks too odd.
Well, I decided to write a blog entry at home on Microsoft Word, since over spring break I can’t reach a computer with internet access. Alright, so I just came back from the library, but that time was taken up with checking e-mails, comments, and updates on sites. Also with Anglo-Saxon—Old English for those of you who don’t think that that’s Shakespeare—lessons. I’m thinking of translating my blog once I get proficient enough, but I’ll probably become disillusioned with it soon after starting.
At any rate, to news: First, let’s talk about that checking of updates. Evidently, the library’s new content filter blocks Normal Bob Smith dot com as adult content! Why on earth would they do that? I mean, it’s just a humour site. But, then I went to their web site. Evidently, it includes “crude and tasteless” material. How do they define that? Well, it may include things insulting religion, if I know society. So, if they ever contact me, I’ll have to see if they block sites such as Chick Publications for the same reason, since it applies just as much to Christian sites as it does to Atheist ones—or at least it should. I wouldn’t want to do that, though. Some people would want to go to those. Of course, that isn’t the worst of their overdone censorship. The other ones I remember are:
Pornography/recreational nudity:
… [This] includes naturism, streaking, and other activities which include nudity/see-through clothing.
Bathing suits/underwear/lingerie
Sites which have pictures of models in bathing suits, lingerie, and other highly revealing attire.
Alternative lifestyles:
Non-pornographic sites with information about gay, lesbian, and bisexual lifestyles and activities.
News and information:
Sites with news topics and information. This is useful for business computers and other situations where time-wasting is undesired.
Games:
Sites which have games. This includes strategy, puzzle, and other single player, non-betting games.
Personal sites:
Sites such as Geocities, Xanga, and Angelfire, which offer free personal web pages.
Search sites:
Sites which search a catalog or part of the internet.
Translators:
Sites that offer electronic translation services.
Web-based e-mail
Sites which offer free web-based e-mail.
Religion:
Any site which advocates worship of a Supreme Being as the Creator of the Universe.
That last one really caught me off guard. You wouldn’t expect any company to offer a filter which blocks all information on monotheism, and even less to claim to block all religion. Luckily, you pick which ones you want, and according to the local teen librarian—who is against all internet filters—they only took pornography and adult content.
Anyways, next I would like to talk about the dumbing down of everyone. Let’s start with baby’s first words. Now, I like to imagine a time when people would actually try to have their infants say “mother” and “father,” but judging by how different the word “dad” is from “father,” that was quite some time ago. Still, I’d like to imagine some tenth-century peasant looking at his offspring and telling him to “cweð fæder.” At first he just looks at him and spits a little, but then his developing synapses begin to fire. “Ffdǽdderrr!” “Ná, Ná.” says the father: “Fæder. Cweð fæder.” “Dæder!” “Fæder, mín cild, fæder.” At any rate, this goes on for some time, and then he gets quite angry, seeing as his ass—the animal, you moron—just died, and yells “FÆDER! HIT IS FÆDER!” Then the infant starts crying. Being a caring fæder, he tries to calm his infant, saying “Sc, sc. Hit is dæder. Hit is dæder. Scscsc.” He gets the child to stop crying, but somehow forgets to tell his wife about their infant’s new word.
So the cild is raised with the word dæder as part of his vocabulary, and when his son is an infant he teaches him the word thinking nothing of it. This spreads over the years, until in 1066 England is invaded by the French. Now, the French didn’t like how the English spelled things, so they had them not write Englisc at all, and if they had to, not to use the letters þ, ð, or æ, along with no accent marks. That, along with the virtual silence of –er in French—and thus Anglo-French—resulted in the familiar word “dad.”
This was more or less stable for about nine centuries, with people even starting to talk about “dad,” a word they never would have admitted to back when it was “dæder”—which would explain why the dictionary doesn’t give a strait answer on the origins of word “dad.” The original dialogue was even imitated by a mother, who begrudgingly let her child think that she was a “mom,” as opposed to a mother.
But then came the gender wars. During those, the mother and father fought to see whether their children would say “mom” or “dad” first. Then came the worst assault on the English language yet—mama and dada. Judging by these atrocities, all we need is a kick up in gender wars or another dead ass, and parents will start counting “d-d-d-d” as a word.
Well, I can’t think of an English lesson for today. Perhaps you should be proud of yourself. But heed my warning: teach any children you might have in the future the words “father” and “mother.” Perhaps we can curtail this; just like that tenth-century peasant did with fæder. Farewell and have a good life.
At any rate, to news: First, let’s talk about that checking of updates. Evidently, the library’s new content filter blocks Normal Bob Smith dot com as adult content! Why on earth would they do that? I mean, it’s just a humour site. But, then I went to their web site. Evidently, it includes “crude and tasteless” material. How do they define that? Well, it may include things insulting religion, if I know society. So, if they ever contact me, I’ll have to see if they block sites such as Chick Publications for the same reason, since it applies just as much to Christian sites as it does to Atheist ones—or at least it should. I wouldn’t want to do that, though. Some people would want to go to those. Of course, that isn’t the worst of their overdone censorship. The other ones I remember are:
Pornography/recreational nudity:
… [This] includes naturism, streaking, and other activities which include nudity/see-through clothing.
Bathing suits/underwear/lingerie
Sites which have pictures of models in bathing suits, lingerie, and other highly revealing attire.
Alternative lifestyles:
Non-pornographic sites with information about gay, lesbian, and bisexual lifestyles and activities.
News and information:
Sites with news topics and information. This is useful for business computers and other situations where time-wasting is undesired.
Games:
Sites which have games. This includes strategy, puzzle, and other single player, non-betting games.
Personal sites:
Sites such as Geocities, Xanga, and Angelfire, which offer free personal web pages.
Search sites:
Sites which search a catalog or part of the internet.
Translators:
Sites that offer electronic translation services.
Web-based e-mail
Sites which offer free web-based e-mail.
Religion:
Any site which advocates worship of a Supreme Being as the Creator of the Universe.
That last one really caught me off guard. You wouldn’t expect any company to offer a filter which blocks all information on monotheism, and even less to claim to block all religion. Luckily, you pick which ones you want, and according to the local teen librarian—who is against all internet filters—they only took pornography and adult content.
Anyways, next I would like to talk about the dumbing down of everyone. Let’s start with baby’s first words. Now, I like to imagine a time when people would actually try to have their infants say “mother” and “father,” but judging by how different the word “dad” is from “father,” that was quite some time ago. Still, I’d like to imagine some tenth-century peasant looking at his offspring and telling him to “cweð fæder.” At first he just looks at him and spits a little, but then his developing synapses begin to fire. “Ffdǽdderrr!” “Ná, Ná.” says the father: “Fæder. Cweð fæder.” “Dæder!” “Fæder, mín cild, fæder.” At any rate, this goes on for some time, and then he gets quite angry, seeing as his ass—the animal, you moron—just died, and yells “FÆDER! HIT IS FÆDER!” Then the infant starts crying. Being a caring fæder, he tries to calm his infant, saying “Sc, sc. Hit is dæder. Hit is dæder. Scscsc.” He gets the child to stop crying, but somehow forgets to tell his wife about their infant’s new word.
So the cild is raised with the word dæder as part of his vocabulary, and when his son is an infant he teaches him the word thinking nothing of it. This spreads over the years, until in 1066 England is invaded by the French. Now, the French didn’t like how the English spelled things, so they had them not write Englisc at all, and if they had to, not to use the letters þ, ð, or æ, along with no accent marks. That, along with the virtual silence of –er in French—and thus Anglo-French—resulted in the familiar word “dad.”
This was more or less stable for about nine centuries, with people even starting to talk about “dad,” a word they never would have admitted to back when it was “dæder”—which would explain why the dictionary doesn’t give a strait answer on the origins of word “dad.” The original dialogue was even imitated by a mother, who begrudgingly let her child think that she was a “mom,” as opposed to a mother.
But then came the gender wars. During those, the mother and father fought to see whether their children would say “mom” or “dad” first. Then came the worst assault on the English language yet—mama and dada. Judging by these atrocities, all we need is a kick up in gender wars or another dead ass, and parents will start counting “d-d-d-d” as a word.
Well, I can’t think of an English lesson for today. Perhaps you should be proud of yourself. But heed my warning: teach any children you might have in the future the words “father” and “mother.” Perhaps we can curtail this; just like that tenth-century peasant did with fæder. Farewell and have a good life.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Well, I was meaning to write a lengthy entry on Friday, but the server crashed. Then I had too many other activities yesterday and the day prior.
But, at any rate, I would like to discuss what began yesterday. Yesterday was the beginning of Lent, which normally wouldn't affect an atheist such as myself--in fact I hadn't even heard of it until a few years ago--were it not for the fact that our schools bend over backwards to accommodate it. You see, during Lent Catholics can't eat any meat that isn't fish on Fridays for some reason.They also have to give up something important to them for its duration--I'm not sure how long that is. I'd like to see one give up religion, but that's just me. Anyway, in elementary and middle school we only had one lunch line, which on Fridays during Lent had some fish meal which they never served at any other time in the year. Note that they didn't give kosher food during the rest of the year, and they sometime served beef, and they probably didn't follow the dietary constraints of many other religions that I don't know of.
At any rate, then I went to Forestview for a semester, due to remodelling in my old school--Mississippi. They had four lines: a main line, a grill, a pizza line, and a salad bar. Now, they allowed bag lunches in the previous schools, so it doesn't make any sense for them to change their meals specifically for Catholics anyway, but with a salad bar surely they wouldn't, would they? Yes, they would. All of these lines had odd, land-dwelling meat-less dishes which weren't served at any other time in the year. They weren't even being sneaky about it.
And so we come to Senior High. Now they finally have the courage to offer some alternatives. Yet they still have those odd dishes. Not the infamous veggie burger, or just saying to eat from the salad bar or bring your own lunch like Orthodox Jews, Hindus, Muslims, et cetera.
At any rate, time for English lesson number six--I fucked up on numbering that last one. "Gots" is not a word. Say "has" or "has got," you fucking moron. Is it really that hard to move the "s" to the noun?
But, at any rate, I would like to discuss what began yesterday. Yesterday was the beginning of Lent, which normally wouldn't affect an atheist such as myself--in fact I hadn't even heard of it until a few years ago--were it not for the fact that our schools bend over backwards to accommodate it. You see, during Lent Catholics can't eat any meat that isn't fish on Fridays for some reason.They also have to give up something important to them for its duration--I'm not sure how long that is. I'd like to see one give up religion, but that's just me. Anyway, in elementary and middle school we only had one lunch line, which on Fridays during Lent had some fish meal which they never served at any other time in the year. Note that they didn't give kosher food during the rest of the year, and they sometime served beef, and they probably didn't follow the dietary constraints of many other religions that I don't know of.
At any rate, then I went to Forestview for a semester, due to remodelling in my old school--Mississippi. They had four lines: a main line, a grill, a pizza line, and a salad bar. Now, they allowed bag lunches in the previous schools, so it doesn't make any sense for them to change their meals specifically for Catholics anyway, but with a salad bar surely they wouldn't, would they? Yes, they would. All of these lines had odd, land-dwelling meat-less dishes which weren't served at any other time in the year. They weren't even being sneaky about it.
And so we come to Senior High. Now they finally have the courage to offer some alternatives. Yet they still have those odd dishes. Not the infamous veggie burger, or just saying to eat from the salad bar or bring your own lunch like Orthodox Jews, Hindus, Muslims, et cetera.
At any rate, time for English lesson number six--I fucked up on numbering that last one. "Gots" is not a word. Say "has" or "has got," you fucking moron. Is it really that hard to move the "s" to the noun?
Tuesday, February 28, 2006: Instant newsfead-Bush refuses to set timeline for return of movie rentals.
Can't remember what I was going to say, but it was important. So, without furthur adeux, here's English lesson the third: scissors. "Scissors" is a plural word. There is no such thing as "a scissors," though I have heard people refer to them as such. The item which is used is, in fact, a pair of scissors. I have yet to figure out what a scissor is, however I am leaning towards the handle and blade combination which hinges on the other one in one of these cutting devices.
Thursday, February 23, 2006: My hovercraft is full of eels.
A warning for all of you who go to Brainerd Senior High: do not try the "veggie burger." Today I attempted tackling this item for, though I am an avid carnivore, I wished for a change from my typical spicy chicken or cheeseburger. It was most certainly a mistake. I informed everyone of my expirement, and they saw my finding on my face as soon as I bit into it. I decided to see if I could eat the rest, and the flavor was unlike anything I had ever tasted before. About halfway through, when I was starting to get used to it, I decided to take off the bun and see what I could identify in it. Try to imagine the flavor of this: I saw onions, red peppers, mushrooms, and what I'm fairly certain were carrots, placed in a base which I couldn't identify if my life depended on it. Now, the others at my table were speaking their concerns already, but now their volume rose greatly. But, I got a combined total of $1.28 out of it, so it wasn't quite all bad. Other than that nothing that interesting happened today.
But, now time for English lesson number four: the word lend. This time it's not a word that people use where they shouldn't. This one they don't use at all. At least around here. They honestly think that it is proper to say that they will borrow something to someone. Now, just like the "jift" thing with Celtic, I shall apply similar grammar to another sentance for this: "if you don't return that, I'll have to give it from you by force." It's just as proper and sounds just as intelligent.
But, now time for English lesson number four: the word lend. This time it's not a word that people use where they shouldn't. This one they don't use at all. At least around here. They honestly think that it is proper to say that they will borrow something to someone. Now, just like the "jift" thing with Celtic, I shall apply similar grammar to another sentance for this: "if you don't return that, I'll have to give it from you by force." It's just as proper and sounds just as intelligent.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006: A Proverb is the Chisel for the marble of the foolish Mind.
Hello my wonderful readers. Today I think I'll talk about vending machines. I was walking around the school on Monday (the library was closed for President's day, however the school didn't give a shit about that any more than they did on Martin Luther King Jr. day) with my friend Mr. W---- and one of his friends, Mr. W------, who I shall call "Zack" for no apparent reason. So, the three of us were talking about hacking with Liz(who was wondering about the school as well), when Zack got a call on his cell phone. Whilst talking, he began pushing random buttons, the machine displaying the names and prices of various products. After the fourth button, however, it said "sales data." We got this figured out after a while, and though we can't do anything other than display things, it's still rather fun and quite addictive.
So, here's the process: first, the kind of machine. It's the V540 by Vendco. These look identical to another Vendco machine, so check the little side plate thingy. They have 12 large buttons with images of the products on them, arranged in three rows of four with a divider in the middle which contains the display area. Know what I'm talking about? Alright, now what you do is press the first, then third, then second, then fourth button in the first row. After words, the first row is cycle through options, the second select, and the third is back. Your options are "sales data," "diagnostic," and "return." Under sales data, you can cycle through statistics for the different selections.
And now for English lesson number three: the word "stealer." This is not an independant, functioning word. You can not be a "stealer," only a thief. You may be a scene stealer, or something like that, however you should rather use the verb with and adjective, i.e. scene stealing basterd.
So, here's the process: first, the kind of machine. It's the V540 by Vendco. These look identical to another Vendco machine, so check the little side plate thingy. They have 12 large buttons with images of the products on them, arranged in three rows of four with a divider in the middle which contains the display area. Know what I'm talking about? Alright, now what you do is press the first, then third, then second, then fourth button in the first row. After words, the first row is cycle through options, the second select, and the third is back. Your options are "sales data," "diagnostic," and "return." Under sales data, you can cycle through statistics for the different selections.
And now for English lesson number three: the word "stealer." This is not an independant, functioning word. You can not be a "stealer," only a thief. You may be a scene stealer, or something like that, however you should rather use the verb with and adjective, i.e. scene stealing basterd.
Friday, February 17, 2006: Insanity is fun!
I bring you salutations and news: February 28th is "Spay Day USA." The ads for it go something like this:
Spay or neuter your children-
It helps them live longer lives
They will have fewer behavioral problems
Orphanages and families spend thousands of dollars on unwanted children
Do it for love-
Unaltered children are more likely to run off
An unaltered female can theoretically produce 9 children in a single gestation
An unaltered male can theoretically produce 78840 offspring in a single year
Or maybe it was pets. I don't know, it makes about as much sense either way. And I love how they use the word "unaltered." I usually use "intact" for unsterilised and or uncircumcised (don't get me started on that...).
But at any rate, any salutation is incmplete without a little bit of abuse. So it's time for English lesson number two! Today's lesson: the word "Celtic." Say this word aloud. How did you pronounce that initial "C"? If you pronounced it like the c in "crop," then find one of those elementary school star stickers and put it on your tongue. If you pronounced it like the "c" in "cinema," punch yourself in the teeth. Then point out this article to whoever you heard that pronunciation from. If you pronounced it like the "C" in Cnidaria, then I don't know what to do with you. It always amazes me that people say they got a "Seltic" cross, yet they don't say that they got it as a "jift." But, that's just my personal irritance. Good bye for now.
Spay or neuter your children-
It helps them live longer lives
They will have fewer behavioral problems
Orphanages and families spend thousands of dollars on unwanted children
Do it for love-
Unaltered children are more likely to run off
An unaltered female can theoretically produce 9 children in a single gestation
An unaltered male can theoretically produce 78840 offspring in a single year
Or maybe it was pets. I don't know, it makes about as much sense either way. And I love how they use the word "unaltered." I usually use "intact" for unsterilised and or uncircumcised (don't get me started on that...).
But at any rate, any salutation is incmplete without a little bit of abuse. So it's time for English lesson number two! Today's lesson: the word "Celtic." Say this word aloud. How did you pronounce that initial "C"? If you pronounced it like the c in "crop," then find one of those elementary school star stickers and put it on your tongue. If you pronounced it like the "c" in "cinema," punch yourself in the teeth. Then point out this article to whoever you heard that pronunciation from. If you pronounced it like the "C" in Cnidaria, then I don't know what to do with you. It always amazes me that people say they got a "Seltic" cross, yet they don't say that they got it as a "jift." But, that's just my personal irritance. Good bye for now.
Thursday, February 16, 2006: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
I've figured it out. Xanga's spell check is plotting against public honesty and intelligence. I have already spoken of its aversion to swearing and the word "nigger," but that's not the least of its problems. Listen to what it gives as alternates: for "nigger"-snigger, sniggers, nagger, jigger, niggard... for "fuck"-fu ck, fu... get the point? Not only does it not recognize swearing, it does recognize moronic little things people use to get around swear blockers.
In light of such events, I think it's time for an English lesson. Yes, it's a bit unorthodox for a blog, but I'm really sick of people who have lived in an English-speaking nation their entire life not being able to speak the language properly and not even noticing what idiots they're making of themselves.
All right, lesson one: typing words. If you are typing on an instant message program and must reply quickly because your friend may die within the hour, then abbreviations are fine. If your friend is fine, then they are quite a nuisance. If you are talking to me, I will expect you to be beyond that, and may respond to you saying "ic" with "Sorry, I don't speak much Anglo-Saxon. Why did you blurt out 'I'?" But now for the important part: if you are doing a formal writing (and I use the term liberally) such as an e-mail, a blog entry, or anything that will appear on the Internet, they are completely unacceptable. Completely. I am far less likely to take an e-mail, blog entry response, et cetera, seriously if it uses such things (lol included).
Well, I'm out of time. Join me again tomorrow for lesson two!
In light of such events, I think it's time for an English lesson. Yes, it's a bit unorthodox for a blog, but I'm really sick of people who have lived in an English-speaking nation their entire life not being able to speak the language properly and not even noticing what idiots they're making of themselves.
All right, lesson one: typing words. If you are typing on an instant message program and must reply quickly because your friend may die within the hour, then abbreviations are fine. If your friend is fine, then they are quite a nuisance. If you are talking to me, I will expect you to be beyond that, and may respond to you saying "ic" with "Sorry, I don't speak much Anglo-Saxon. Why did you blurt out 'I'?" But now for the important part: if you are doing a formal writing (and I use the term liberally) such as an e-mail, a blog entry, or anything that will appear on the Internet, they are completely unacceptable. Completely. I am far less likely to take an e-mail, blog entry response, et cetera, seriously if it uses such things (lol included).
Well, I'm out of time. Join me again tomorrow for lesson two!
Monday, February 13, 2006: At the local theatre-for three days only: The Royal Nonesuch!
Introductions first: If you are a returning visitor to my site, you know me, my blog, and whatnot. If, as I doubt would be the case, you are new, I am Tomen. Hello.
Now then, I have a wrong to be righted. On the Internet there is a Brainerd-based web site. Not the problem. It it advertised often on the radio. Not quite the problem, though it draws it to my attention every day. It lists deals on various products and services: tanning, mechanics, and a whole variety of thing for you to use. Therein lies the problem. Because it's not necessarily for you. It's main selling point is that it's only for those whose genitalia reside within their bodies. Yep. And, as I more or less said earlier, it's not as if it deals merely in feminine hygiene, or something confined merely to that gender. It gives deals for an assortment of useful products. Ah, yes this site is called "Stellaslist.com." So, let's recap: white's only drinking fountains: bad -- women's only financial information: good. I don't get what she's trying to do, reverting us to such primitive sexism. I generally try to push us forward, or not at all. Ah, and this is a killer: Stella once confronted men using her site on the radio. Well, she didn't directly. That would have been too non-sexist. She talked to the women who saw them on there, saying to just "look the other way," meaning that most likely her site gets some sort of kickback for high visitor numbers, causing her to resort to such extremes. I really can't stand that bitch.
While we're on that topic, I have a little test for you. Let's see our standards of slurs. Say "heathen." Go ahead, just blurt it out. All right, now say "nigger." Go on... You had far more people threaten you this time, didn't you? All we fucking care about is anti-black racism, anti-female sexism, and anti-Christian prejudice. Anything else is fair game. Xanga's spell check even recognizes "heathen." It doesn't recognize "nigger," or any swear word, as I have mentioned before. Fucking moronic nation.
Now then, I have a wrong to be righted. On the Internet there is a Brainerd-based web site. Not the problem. It it advertised often on the radio. Not quite the problem, though it draws it to my attention every day. It lists deals on various products and services: tanning, mechanics, and a whole variety of thing for you to use. Therein lies the problem. Because it's not necessarily for you. It's main selling point is that it's only for those whose genitalia reside within their bodies. Yep. And, as I more or less said earlier, it's not as if it deals merely in feminine hygiene, or something confined merely to that gender. It gives deals for an assortment of useful products. Ah, yes this site is called "Stellaslist.com." So, let's recap: white's only drinking fountains: bad -- women's only financial information: good. I don't get what she's trying to do, reverting us to such primitive sexism. I generally try to push us forward, or not at all. Ah, and this is a killer: Stella once confronted men using her site on the radio. Well, she didn't directly. That would have been too non-sexist. She talked to the women who saw them on there, saying to just "look the other way," meaning that most likely her site gets some sort of kickback for high visitor numbers, causing her to resort to such extremes. I really can't stand that bitch.
While we're on that topic, I have a little test for you. Let's see our standards of slurs. Say "heathen." Go ahead, just blurt it out. All right, now say "nigger." Go on... You had far more people threaten you this time, didn't you? All we fucking care about is anti-black racism, anti-female sexism, and anti-Christian prejudice. Anything else is fair game. Xanga's spell check even recognizes "heathen." It doesn't recognize "nigger," or any swear word, as I have mentioned before. Fucking moronic nation.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006: What can I say in no more than ninety characters?
Hello, and good whatever time it is over there. I don't really have much to say, however I still feel that I have some sort of obligation to write something, seeing as I haven't for a while. So, let us see what I can waste time with. Ah... Here's a thought: anything you can possibly do will offend someone. I'm serious. If you say that everyone deserves basic rights, it will offend someone. If you say murder is wrong, it will offend someone. I generally try to keep my offending within reason, but that's another problem: everyone has there own opinion of what is reasonable. Which pisses me off, seeing as we have (here, at least) many rules in places and even laws which make reference to that which is reasonable. For example, Minnesota's basic speed law: you may drive no faster than is reasonable for existing conditions. Then again, if this site is to be trusted, then we technically also prohibit oral sex, bathtubs without feet, and nude sleeping. But at any rate, the basic speed law makes no clear distinction as to what is being made illegal. Well, I guess this is what happens when you have the most popular, rather than qualified, write laws (but then, they're so much easier to find...). I guess it's also since I live in the Bible Belt's matching earring. Well, I guess I'll leave you with that thought. Fare thee well.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006: ???
Well, surprise, surprise! The writing prompt was "Name one influential leader in your life and explain why they are a good leader." Something like that, any way. Well, I have no leaders. None. I rely on myself, and only take advice from others. So, I decided that since it would sound realistic, I would build up my mother to be a good leader. I used up all but the last line of the allotted space. And now I have used up all but two minutes of the allotted time. Damn, I hate these half-hour computers.
Monday, January 30, 2006: T-shirt idea: "Life's too short to worship ugly gods".
Hello. First I would like to say: "fuck that list I started a while back. It's nothing but old, stale news and anecdotes." That being out of the way, the new news:
Hmm. I got in my first accident. It was just a little trip to the ditch, but it still sucked. Luckily, I got us neatly between the mailbox and the telephone pole. I may elaborate on that later.
Next, we have a two hour test tomorrow! And it writing! Damn, that's depressing. We're going to have those shitty prompts like "who's you're hero" or "who was your best friend as a child" and I have to take an hour or so to figure out who to exaggerate enough to make it look like I'm not self-motivated or didn't like to be alone as a child or that I didn't do some other horrible, unnatural sin like that. But, I'd say I'm good enough at writing, so if we somehow get an easy prompt of some common activity or idea which I actually did or have, I should do well.
In other news, my brother's cat died. He'll have to tell you about that, since I'm out of time.
Hmm. I got in my first accident. It was just a little trip to the ditch, but it still sucked. Luckily, I got us neatly between the mailbox and the telephone pole. I may elaborate on that later.
Next, we have a two hour test tomorrow! And it writing! Damn, that's depressing. We're going to have those shitty prompts like "who's you're hero" or "who was your best friend as a child" and I have to take an hour or so to figure out who to exaggerate enough to make it look like I'm not self-motivated or didn't like to be alone as a child or that I didn't do some other horrible, unnatural sin like that. But, I'd say I'm good enough at writing, so if we somehow get an easy prompt of some common activity or idea which I actually did or have, I should do well.
In other news, my brother's cat died. He'll have to tell you about that, since I'm out of time.
Monday, January 30, 2006: T-shirt idea: "Life's too short to worship ugly gods".
Hello. First I would like to say: "fuck that list I started a while back. It's nothing but old, stale news and anecdotes." That being out of the way, the new news:
Hmm. I got in my first accident. It was just a little trip to the ditch, but it still sucked. Luckily, I got us neatly between the mailbox and the telephone pole. I may elaborate on that later.
Next, we have a two hour test tomorrow! And it writing! Damn, that's depressing. We're going to have those shitty prompts like "who's you're hero" or "who was your best friend as a child" and I have to take an hour or so to figure out who to exaggerate enough to make it look like I'm not self-motivated or didn't like to be alone as a child or that I didn't do some other horrible, unnatural sin like that. But, I'd say I'm good enough at writing, so if we somehow get an easy prompt of some common activity or idea which I actually did or have, I should do well.
In other news, my brother's cat died. He'll have to tell you about that, since I'm out of time.
Hmm. I got in my first accident. It was just a little trip to the ditch, but it still sucked. Luckily, I got us neatly between the mailbox and the telephone pole. I may elaborate on that later.
Next, we have a two hour test tomorrow! And it writing! Damn, that's depressing. We're going to have those shitty prompts like "who's you're hero" or "who was your best friend as a child" and I have to take an hour or so to figure out who to exaggerate enough to make it look like I'm not self-motivated or didn't like to be alone as a child or that I didn't do some other horrible, unnatural sin like that. But, I'd say I'm good enough at writing, so if we somehow get an easy prompt of some common activity or idea which I actually did or have, I should do well.
In other news, my brother's cat died. He'll have to tell you about that, since I'm out of time.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006: 60659
I was going to talk about the US's odd perception of prejudice, but this is just too interesting: The Vatican has declared that Purgatory doesn't exist! Now, this isn't exactly bad, considering that it doesn't, but holy fucking shit! And do you know why? So that Africans and Asians will join them! One of us... One of us... This just goes to prove that the Catholic hierarchy isn't in this for religion, but rather world domination. Of course, this is obvious and always has been, but this is over the top even for them. I mean, first round Earth, then heliocentricity, then the big bang, then evolution, and now no purgatory. In a few centuries, they might just come to their senses!
Kind of funny, though. I mean here we have insane fundies trying to warp our country to their will, and the fucking Vatican, the one with some actual power over more than say, twenty people in a congregation, is warping just so that everyone will agree with them. Which reminds me of when ol' Ratzinger got in. Everywhere ablaze with what this ex-Nazi was going to do. "We want to convert more Jews!" he said. "We want to reach out and turn the Middle East into Catholicland!" he bellowed, causing Catholic missionaries to start writing up their last wills and testaments. And all the while us vile heretics were shaking our heads. But, at least some good seems to have come out of it. One silly superstition down, innumerable more until they're gone. I say it's saints next. I mean, after this, they might just do that in order to get monotheists and Christians. You never know...
Kind of funny, though. I mean here we have insane fundies trying to warp our country to their will, and the fucking Vatican, the one with some actual power over more than say, twenty people in a congregation, is warping just so that everyone will agree with them. Which reminds me of when ol' Ratzinger got in. Everywhere ablaze with what this ex-Nazi was going to do. "We want to convert more Jews!" he said. "We want to reach out and turn the Middle East into Catholicland!" he bellowed, causing Catholic missionaries to start writing up their last wills and testaments. And all the while us vile heretics were shaking our heads. But, at least some good seems to have come out of it. One silly superstition down, innumerable more until they're gone. I say it's saints next. I mean, after this, they might just do that in order to get monotheists and Christians. You never know...
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Well, on to part two of the talk in Fundie's class. You see, the interesting thing about this (and a major reason for the word "Christian" in the title) is that she was absolutely adamant in her idea that it must be marriage which allows you to have sex. Now, I seem to be one of the few people who realizes what marriage is. Now let me break it down for you, like I did with segregation. Okay, maybe I'll do it a bit more normally.
Marriage, you see, is a process where you and another person (in most states, another person of the opposite gender only) go down to the courthouse and get a marriage licence. This is a fucking contract. Nothing more, nothing less. It will not improve your partner's fidelity, and it most certainly does nothing for trust. And that was a major point of her speech: in a relationship, you need trust, respect, et cetera. And yet you need to sign a contract saying that you will be monogamous. You can't trust your partner, or anything like that. You must sign a contract saying such. Now, even if my significant other wished to get married, I simply couldn't, with that realization. That is, I couldn't have a marriage license and a clear conscience.
Ah, but I must speak of the comment card at the end. Now, I had a lengthy list of grievances for my comment sheet last year, so this year I lightened up. Here's what I could remember of it:
How would you rate this presentation:
[ ]Great [ ]Good [ ]Okay [X]Poor
Was there anything you disagreed with in this presentation? [ ]No [X]Yes
Explain: ¡Uf! Where do I start? Your speech made me pay less attention every sentence or two. Unconditional love requiring marriage? Sex being "made" for... sounds a bit too religious.
Before this presentation, will you have sex before marriage?
[ ]No decision
[ ]Will have sex with anyone
[X]Will have sex with someone before you're married
[ ]Will wait to have sex until your married
After this presentation, will you have sex before marriage?
[ ]No decision
[ ]Will have sex with anyone
[X]Will have sex with someone before you're married
[ ]Will wait to have sex until your married
[ ]Need more information about abstinence
Explain: Well, I already mentioned some things above, and I mentioned the rest last year, but given your presentation, you didn't care.
Marriage, you see, is a process where you and another person (in most states, another person of the opposite gender only) go down to the courthouse and get a marriage licence. This is a fucking contract. Nothing more, nothing less. It will not improve your partner's fidelity, and it most certainly does nothing for trust. And that was a major point of her speech: in a relationship, you need trust, respect, et cetera. And yet you need to sign a contract saying that you will be monogamous. You can't trust your partner, or anything like that. You must sign a contract saying such. Now, even if my significant other wished to get married, I simply couldn't, with that realization. That is, I couldn't have a marriage license and a clear conscience.
Ah, but I must speak of the comment card at the end. Now, I had a lengthy list of grievances for my comment sheet last year, so this year I lightened up. Here's what I could remember of it:
How would you rate this presentation:
[ ]Great [ ]Good [ ]Okay [X]Poor
Was there anything you disagreed with in this presentation? [ ]No [X]Yes
Explain: ¡Uf! Where do I start? Your speech made me pay less attention every sentence or two. Unconditional love requiring marriage? Sex being "made" for... sounds a bit too religious.
Before this presentation, will you have sex before marriage?
[ ]No decision
[ ]Will have sex with anyone
[X]Will have sex with someone before you're married
[ ]Will wait to have sex until your married
After this presentation, will you have sex before marriage?
[ ]No decision
[ ]Will have sex with anyone
[X]Will have sex with someone before you're married
[ ]Will wait to have sex until your married
[ ]Need more information about abstinence
Explain: Well, I already mentioned some things above, and I mentioned the rest last year, but given your presentation, you didn't care.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006: ROMANES EUNT DOMUS
I am back once more! And I am pissed. This you simply must hear about. In health class, we had a talk. Now, even disregarding the fact that I heard this same talk last year, it was still horrible. It was on abstinence. Now, abstinence is a quite vague word, meaning merely to make yourself not engage in something which satisfies hunger or thirst or gives you physical pleasure (though the speaker doesn't know that), so allow me to clarify: this was on what I like to call "Christian sexual abstinence". That is where you abstain from having sex until marriage. This pisses me off because of not only the message, but the way the speaker presented it. She used the words "made" and "meant" more than you would believe. "Sex was made to be with one person," and "it's meant for marriage," and so forth. Has she even considered the possibility of atheism? I mean, Brainerd High School is a public school, right? It sounds like it, and I don't remember having to pay anything. Yet here she is, preaching about sex's "purpose". Unfortunately, you'll have to wait until tomorrow to read the rest, seeing as I am out of time.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006: This entry has a title.
Hello! Before finally resuming that list of old, stale news and anecdotes, I thought I'd say about my winter break. It was excellent, seeing as all I did was lounge about the house. I also celebrated Christmas with my sister and watched her kids on New Year's Eve. With all that's happening (the U.S. trying to secularize and getting yelled at by the fundies who want Christianity to always be held in special regard for some reason), I finally realized that out of my entire immediate and extended family I only know the theological beliefs of three (all Freethinkers): my Atheist brother, my secularist mother, and my, er, well I'm not sure what to call my dad's beliefs. Oh, well. It hasn't exactly been a problem before, so why worry about it now? Wow, that was a short entry.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005: If it ain't fixed don't break it.
Well, yesterday I added quite a bit of that conversation, however it was all deleted due to a malfunction. Well, any way, I think I'm going to type it up over the winter break and just transfer it to the Internet when I return. At any rate, I think I'll make this a short entry, as I can't remember what I was going to write. So bye and a happy impending holiday, if there is one in your immediate future.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005: If it ain't fixed don't break it.
Well, yesterday I added quite a bit of that conversation, however it was all deleted due to a malfunction. Well, any way, I think I'm going to type it up over the winter break and just transfer it to the Internet when I return. At any rate, I think I'll make this a short entry, as I can't remember what I was going to write. So bye and a happy impending holiday, if there is one in your immediate future.
Thursday, December 15, 2005: Untitled
Alright, time to depart from the list for a second in order to relay a conversation which I had with Mr. Fundie two or three hours ago. The direct transcript is as follows:
I: I have a major disagreement I have to get off my chest.
Mr. Fundie: Alright. Do that.
I: Yesterday, I didn't say it yesterday because I had to catch a bus after school, but um, when you were on the topic of sexual identity and homosexuality, you said "You take a Christian and they will except them." (pause) And I...
F: Well, bu-but-but remember now I qualified that, right? Eighty per cent of our country says they're Christian, they're not. You might get two out of ten who are. But anyway so I'm not saying 80% us are reallyisticly[sic] buying in to that. 'Kay so...
I: Like, what? You're saying they're just saying their Christian to fit in.
F: Yes, right. And if it can, it's convenient of them to be a Christian.
I: Hm.
F: But I don't think they're conservative and probably [unintelligible].
I: 'Cause it seems like, you know, most of the people who disagree with homosexuality or are non-acceptant of homosexuals use argument like, you know, um, "God doesn't like this way" blah, blah, blah, blah blah. You know, mostly Christian arguments for not accepting homosexua...
F: Well, yeah, n, homosexual marriage, not homo, see now, these, you got to make sure you sh, well, you know.
I: Oh, well ,k...
F: No, you, because,
I: You know, lots of thing like, you know, um...
F: Oh, [unintelligible], some of them, ultra rights, I don't buy any of that either. Yeah. No.
I was saying something at that time, but it's hard to hear over his voice.
I: ...hardly the, you know, "Christians will accept homosexuals".
F: B, er, well you don't think they do?
(pause)
I: Sometimes, sometimes not.
F: Right. And that...
I: ...Yeah...
F: ...to me puts it to that 80%...
I: ...Ah...
F: ...who claim they're, they're Christians they're not. So, yeah.
I: Yeah, 'cause it's, yeah, it just sounded to me like you were doing a generalization.
F: Oh, I do that a lot in here, so I wish you'd have caught me in class so we could have said it in class.
More unintelligible simulspeach on my behalf.
I: (Unintelligible)
F:(laughing) (odd noise), what? We had to speak about it?
I: Yeah, usually, like, you know [I should quit doing that], um, when I disagree with anyone about anything religious it takes like an hour or so to (laughing).
F: Okay, well maybe they should settle down, too. Because that, I-I, they're, there're times when I'll through out because I want an argument, I want a response.
I: Ah.
F: 'N' people won't see [possibly a poor pronunciation of "say"] anything. Or the[y] will go off in the wrong direction, like they started to do with the homosexual deal, but I don't want to talk about that.
I:Yeah.
F: I want to, you know, just, I want to talk about (pause) you know, genetics as compared to, um, choice, or whatever, 'n', you know, I don't know if that will ever be solved.
I: Yeah, um, I think the current scientific thought is, like, genetics.
F: Well, again, 'n' it's, you know, just, you go to the Christian conservative, 'n' I don't classify myself in the ultra-conservative right wing. But, like I said yesterday, I-I-I, what I don't understand is that, where were all the homosexuals [35 years ago, when he was in the army, for nothingness's sake], 'n' I know what my friend will say, 'n' I have, mmmmmmmmm, four friends who are gay. 'N' I will, 'n' they will say to me, "they just didn't dare," (unintelligible) I just can't believe that, you know. Maybe.
I: Well, varying times like, um, earlier times there were, um, like you were saying at an earlier point, with the Roman Empire...
F: ...Ah...
I: ...with like, the, yeah, the more homosexuals then, because it was more acceptable. You know, like, um...
F: Well, the guys were neutered. You know, so they, they couldn't, er, have sex with the king's wife, or whatever, they were, nymph [a kind of ancient Greek goddess, who was highly attractive and playful], or whatever they called them.
I: Er, eunuch.
F: Munichs, right.
I: Yeah. Um, I thought that was just their bodyguards, like...
F: Well, yeah, (unintelligible), and house servants, and maidservants, and things like that. Right, yes, but they wanted them safe.
I: Yeah.
F: But the thing is, that's what brought the Roman Empire down, too, that they had no rules. Whatever you wanted to do, you could do it.
I: I always thought it was the Vandals.
F(at "it was"): And I'm not saying that if you legalize homosexuals that's what'll happen. But (long pause) I (pause) wanted an argument I didn't get one except it went the wrong way[lack of punctuation intentional]. So, um, I do generalize, yeah, I will generalize with marijuana, too. Um, I will generalize with (unintelligible). Um, and I'll look for the kind of argument I want. You know? So, don't 'esitate to-to-to, even come back a day later and it would've been fine if you'd have questioned me today about that.
I: Yeah.
F: During class (unintelligible). I-I know it's tough to get this group (pause).
I: Yeah.
F: Serious enough to ever discuss anything like that, because you will have a couple just gay-bashing, an'-an' I'm not going to tolerate that.
I: Yeah, I know.
F: N-n, It's not polite, it's not, mature.
I: That's very common in this region.
F: (pause) Y-well, it is. Um. (pause) People are getting really polarized in our country I mean I don't know, (unintelligible), you start looking at things like, "well, I'm a black American," 'n', "I'm a Hispanic American," 'nd, "I'm a Chicano American," 'n', "I'm a Spanish American," and, "I'm an Irish American," 'n' I'm still from a generation who said: "all of you guys: black, white, red, yellow, you all fought in a wars to preserve our freedom. We're Americans, we're not (pause) we're not individuals. We don't need five languages here. You know, we need one, where we can all communicate and love each other. We don't, we don't need to be (long pause) you know, individuals. (unintelligible). We're, France is seeing that, I think. France thought they could just let the Muslim, two or three billion Muslims, come in. And continue with their language and their own religion. And, not to provide them with anything, just land. 'N' the next thing you know, we've got riots. Why do the riots happen if they had (pause) complete (pause) autonomy. You know.
I: Huh.
F: What? (pause) My daughter would love to discuss with you, she-she loves debate.
I: Yeah.
F: I-see I got practice on her. I will make some outrageous statements 'n' then she'll...
I: ...Yeah...
F: ...jump all over me.
I: You see, I get jumped on a lot, because, um, I'm an Atheist, and this is a heavily religious area, so, like...
F: They claim to be. There's what, four churches per block everywhere in this town You know I've left three churches because they were anything but religious, we've got so many (pause) so many (long pause) churches (pause) that, um, profess to be Christian. But in our country you do surveys, our country says 80% of our, our country, er, is Christian. But if that was the case, why would we be anti-gay? [Because God hates fags.] Why would we be anti-black? [Because it's the mark of Cain.] Why would we be, er, what else do we (unintelligible) rich? [Because God wants His people to be successful.] Why do we (pause) we attack? [Because God is jealous and Christians are His servants on Earth.] (unintelligible) Christians (unintelligible).
I: Well, you know, um, to varying degrees, you know, like, um, a lot of (unintelligible), again (unintelligible) the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, and things like that. Whereas pro-gays, (pause) um, focus on, um [I couldn't think of anything], I think I once heard a line, um, "You can use The Bible to back up anything." Um, "except homosexuality," was actually the line, but, um, I don't know.
F: Er (pause) But-but in order for it to justify anything, you'd have to believe it's the true spoken word of God, 'n' if you don't believe that, then you can't be Christian anyway. You can profess to be one...
I: ...Yes...
F: But you're not going to be, yeah.[Wow. So if someone uses The Bible to back up their stance (which most, if not all, Christians do) then they are true Christians. He just wrecked his entire argument. I guess he's just so Christian that contradictions just come naturally to him.]
I: (unintelligible)
F: Well, I-I, you know, a Muslim can have his beliefs, an' believe that, er, Mohammad, you know, received direct, um, information from God. You can be, er, an Atheist, who believes in, what? No higher power?
I: Er, yeah.
F: Okay. Um, and then (unintelligible). You know, 'n' then I have a friend who's 84 years old, he's a college professor out in [town name omitted]. He taught his last class last spring, 'n' (untypable stuttering) he was finally going one class a year. And, said, my friend sent this book to his wife, and him, and he started to question life, and is this all there is? And when I visit with him I say "no, I've got forever to live." [That's awfully arrogant of you.] And you have 70 years if you, 76 years if you follow national average. And then what's left for you, nothing.
I: Yeah.
F: Emptiness. A black hole.
I: Mhm.
F: I said, "at least even if The Bible isn't true, I've lived my life, where I've tried to be good to other people, and I know that I will live an eternity." [The arrogance is astounding.] So, I can believe that, I don't care if you do. I, I wish you would. [That means you care.]
I: Well, I generally, you know, am nice to others, but I don't see the sense in eternal life, but, that's that.
F: Right. And, I-I, my daughter's boyfriend, er, ex-boyfriend, now, um, 's family, said: "I don't know why you need The Bible, I don't know why you need church." He says: "We're great to people. We love people, we're kind to people, we give money to people." (pause) That's good.
I: Yeah.
F: But, are you going to have eternal life? Why wouldn't they? [Same reason they don't have trolls and færies in their yard.] Wouldn't you, wouldn't that, kind of, if thought you could have an answer wouldn't you want to know that answer? [It's 42]
I: Errr. Yeah. But, you know, I can't seem to find anything that like, you know, except for mythology [And science. Forgot to mention that.] and that's all The Bible is to me.
F: You know what I'm going to do for you? I'll bring you a book tomorrow. [That book never came.] Er, I had a class, an archeologist came in and talked about the archeology of The Bible. The Bible has 26000 proofs that it's authentic. [I've heard them. "This prophecy about a whore dieing is exactly what happened at the world trade center," or "if it weren't true people wouldn't die for it's principles," and other such nonsensical rubbish.] But then they went to the next biggest one was manuscripts of, some of the great writers, um, I can't even think of it now. (unintelligible) er, let's see, Horatio, it's not Horatio, well some of the great, er, scientists of their time. [Remember: back then a scientist was really just a philosopher.] And they have, like, 200 manuscripts, 500 manuscripts, these are all things that are personal eyewitnessed, eye accounts [Or are they just assuming that because it agrees with their precious book, which is based upon the old myths which the writers of that time liked to relay. Oh, wait, these are fundies. They're most likely saying that since they saw someone swim it was Jesus walking on water, and so forth.] of the miracles that Jesus performed, blah, blah, blah. So, (unintelligible) that it kind of opened my daughter's eyes, because she's not, she believes in a higher power. Er, but she's not around,'n' she's not calling Him "God". But I asked her, "well, what is your god? 'N' who's your god?" Then she gets angry with me. (unintelligible) you have a higher power, she said: "yeah," I said: "okay. But that big book that you read out of," I said, "what does that believe?" Then she got angry 'n' I said: "okay, that's fine. You know that whatever you have is fine. Um, for you, it's not for me. So it's okay for you. I don't need to force anything. 'Cause it won't matter. You know, you can't force things on people. People will just, this 84 year old guy is, now, he says: "you know, I've lived a good life, but if this is all there is to it, it really hasn't been much." (long pause) I've loved every day I've lived.
I: Well, my life's been pretty good.
F: But I guess that's, that's my only thing. Um, 80% of our country professes to be Christian, and if they're Christian, the way they treat (pause) each other, is horrible. I wouldn't even want to be a Christian if I had to do (unintelligible).
I: Yeah.
F: That-that these people do and that they say. You know. (long pause) Well, I wish you would have, er, I hope though that. You-y-y-you (unintelligible) if you, er, I hate to say this, (unintelligible) make some exaggerated statements, if you would, er, come back the next day and say: "you know, [Fundie], you were talking yesterday and I thought: 'hey, I disagree with you'"
I: Alright.
F: I'd love that. (Rest is unintelligible)
So, there you have it. All of the intelligible portions of my conversation with Mr. Fundie, in which he got off topic like a madman, tried to convert me, used one of those moronic "not a true Christian" arguments to say that anyone who doesn't get the same thing out of the parts of The Bible which he's read or heard as he did isn't a Christian, an contradicted himself in more areas that I mentioned.
I: I have a major disagreement I have to get off my chest.
Mr. Fundie: Alright. Do that.
I: Yesterday, I didn't say it yesterday because I had to catch a bus after school, but um, when you were on the topic of sexual identity and homosexuality, you said "You take a Christian and they will except them." (pause) And I...
F: Well, bu-but-but remember now I qualified that, right? Eighty per cent of our country says they're Christian, they're not. You might get two out of ten who are. But anyway so I'm not saying 80% us are reallyisticly[sic] buying in to that. 'Kay so...
I: Like, what? You're saying they're just saying their Christian to fit in.
F: Yes, right. And if it can, it's convenient of them to be a Christian.
I: Hm.
F: But I don't think they're conservative and probably [unintelligible].
I: 'Cause it seems like, you know, most of the people who disagree with homosexuality or are non-acceptant of homosexuals use argument like, you know, um, "God doesn't like this way" blah, blah, blah, blah blah. You know, mostly Christian arguments for not accepting homosexua...
F: Well, yeah, n, homosexual marriage, not homo, see now, these, you got to make sure you sh, well, you know.
I: Oh, well ,k...
F: No, you, because,
I: You know, lots of thing like, you know, um...
F: Oh, [unintelligible], some of them, ultra rights, I don't buy any of that either. Yeah. No.
I was saying something at that time, but it's hard to hear over his voice.
I: ...hardly the, you know, "Christians will accept homosexuals".
F: B, er, well you don't think they do?
(pause)
I: Sometimes, sometimes not.
F: Right. And that...
I: ...Yeah...
F: ...to me puts it to that 80%...
I: ...Ah...
F: ...who claim they're, they're Christians they're not. So, yeah.
I: Yeah, 'cause it's, yeah, it just sounded to me like you were doing a generalization.
F: Oh, I do that a lot in here, so I wish you'd have caught me in class so we could have said it in class.
More unintelligible simulspeach on my behalf.
I: (Unintelligible)
F:(laughing) (odd noise), what? We had to speak about it?
I: Yeah, usually, like, you know [I should quit doing that], um, when I disagree with anyone about anything religious it takes like an hour or so to (laughing).
F: Okay, well maybe they should settle down, too. Because that, I-I, they're, there're times when I'll through out because I want an argument, I want a response.
I: Ah.
F: 'N' people won't see [possibly a poor pronunciation of "say"] anything. Or the[y] will go off in the wrong direction, like they started to do with the homosexual deal, but I don't want to talk about that.
I:Yeah.
F: I want to, you know, just, I want to talk about (pause) you know, genetics as compared to, um, choice, or whatever, 'n', you know, I don't know if that will ever be solved.
I: Yeah, um, I think the current scientific thought is, like, genetics.
F: Well, again, 'n' it's, you know, just, you go to the Christian conservative, 'n' I don't classify myself in the ultra-conservative right wing. But, like I said yesterday, I-I-I, what I don't understand is that, where were all the homosexuals [35 years ago, when he was in the army, for nothingness's sake], 'n' I know what my friend will say, 'n' I have, mmmmmmmmm, four friends who are gay. 'N' I will, 'n' they will say to me, "they just didn't dare," (unintelligible) I just can't believe that, you know. Maybe.
I: Well, varying times like, um, earlier times there were, um, like you were saying at an earlier point, with the Roman Empire...
F: ...Ah...
I: ...with like, the, yeah, the more homosexuals then, because it was more acceptable. You know, like, um...
F: Well, the guys were neutered. You know, so they, they couldn't, er, have sex with the king's wife, or whatever, they were, nymph [a kind of ancient Greek goddess, who was highly attractive and playful], or whatever they called them.
I: Er, eunuch.
F: Munichs, right.
I: Yeah. Um, I thought that was just their bodyguards, like...
F: Well, yeah, (unintelligible), and house servants, and maidservants, and things like that. Right, yes, but they wanted them safe.
I: Yeah.
F: But the thing is, that's what brought the Roman Empire down, too, that they had no rules. Whatever you wanted to do, you could do it.
I: I always thought it was the Vandals.
F(at "it was"): And I'm not saying that if you legalize homosexuals that's what'll happen. But (long pause) I (pause) wanted an argument I didn't get one except it went the wrong way[lack of punctuation intentional]. So, um, I do generalize, yeah, I will generalize with marijuana, too. Um, I will generalize with (unintelligible). Um, and I'll look for the kind of argument I want. You know? So, don't 'esitate to-to-to, even come back a day later and it would've been fine if you'd have questioned me today about that.
I: Yeah.
F: During class (unintelligible). I-I know it's tough to get this group (pause).
I: Yeah.
F: Serious enough to ever discuss anything like that, because you will have a couple just gay-bashing, an'-an' I'm not going to tolerate that.
I: Yeah, I know.
F: N-n, It's not polite, it's not, mature.
I: That's very common in this region.
F: (pause) Y-well, it is. Um. (pause) People are getting really polarized in our country I mean I don't know, (unintelligible), you start looking at things like, "well, I'm a black American," 'n', "I'm a Hispanic American," 'nd, "I'm a Chicano American," 'n', "I'm a Spanish American," and, "I'm an Irish American," 'n' I'm still from a generation who said: "all of you guys: black, white, red, yellow, you all fought in a wars to preserve our freedom. We're Americans, we're not (pause) we're not individuals. We don't need five languages here. You know, we need one, where we can all communicate and love each other. We don't, we don't need to be (long pause) you know, individuals. (unintelligible). We're, France is seeing that, I think. France thought they could just let the Muslim, two or three billion Muslims, come in. And continue with their language and their own religion. And, not to provide them with anything, just land. 'N' the next thing you know, we've got riots. Why do the riots happen if they had (pause) complete (pause) autonomy. You know.
I: Huh.
F: What? (pause) My daughter would love to discuss with you, she-she loves debate.
I: Yeah.
F: I-see I got practice on her. I will make some outrageous statements 'n' then she'll...
I: ...Yeah...
F: ...jump all over me.
I: You see, I get jumped on a lot, because, um, I'm an Atheist, and this is a heavily religious area, so, like...
F: They claim to be. There's what, four churches per block everywhere in this town You know I've left three churches because they were anything but religious, we've got so many (pause) so many (long pause) churches (pause) that, um, profess to be Christian. But in our country you do surveys, our country says 80% of our, our country, er, is Christian. But if that was the case, why would we be anti-gay? [Because God hates fags.] Why would we be anti-black? [Because it's the mark of Cain.] Why would we be, er, what else do we (unintelligible) rich? [Because God wants His people to be successful.] Why do we (pause) we attack? [Because God is jealous and Christians are His servants on Earth.] (unintelligible) Christians (unintelligible).
I: Well, you know, um, to varying degrees, you know, like, um, a lot of (unintelligible), again (unintelligible) the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, and things like that. Whereas pro-gays, (pause) um, focus on, um [I couldn't think of anything], I think I once heard a line, um, "You can use The Bible to back up anything." Um, "except homosexuality," was actually the line, but, um, I don't know.
F: Er (pause) But-but in order for it to justify anything, you'd have to believe it's the true spoken word of God, 'n' if you don't believe that, then you can't be Christian anyway. You can profess to be one...
I: ...Yes...
F: But you're not going to be, yeah.[Wow. So if someone uses The Bible to back up their stance (which most, if not all, Christians do) then they are true Christians. He just wrecked his entire argument. I guess he's just so Christian that contradictions just come naturally to him.]
I: (unintelligible)
F: Well, I-I, you know, a Muslim can have his beliefs, an' believe that, er, Mohammad, you know, received direct, um, information from God. You can be, er, an Atheist, who believes in, what? No higher power?
I: Er, yeah.
F: Okay. Um, and then (unintelligible). You know, 'n' then I have a friend who's 84 years old, he's a college professor out in [town name omitted]. He taught his last class last spring, 'n' (untypable stuttering) he was finally going one class a year. And, said, my friend sent this book to his wife, and him, and he started to question life, and is this all there is? And when I visit with him I say "no, I've got forever to live." [That's awfully arrogant of you.] And you have 70 years if you, 76 years if you follow national average. And then what's left for you, nothing.
I: Yeah.
F: Emptiness. A black hole.
I: Mhm.
F: I said, "at least even if The Bible isn't true, I've lived my life, where I've tried to be good to other people, and I know that I will live an eternity." [The arrogance is astounding.] So, I can believe that, I don't care if you do. I, I wish you would. [That means you care.]
I: Well, I generally, you know, am nice to others, but I don't see the sense in eternal life, but, that's that.
F: Right. And, I-I, my daughter's boyfriend, er, ex-boyfriend, now, um, 's family, said: "I don't know why you need The Bible, I don't know why you need church." He says: "We're great to people. We love people, we're kind to people, we give money to people." (pause) That's good.
I: Yeah.
F: But, are you going to have eternal life? Why wouldn't they? [Same reason they don't have trolls and færies in their yard.] Wouldn't you, wouldn't that, kind of, if thought you could have an answer wouldn't you want to know that answer? [It's 42]
I: Errr. Yeah. But, you know, I can't seem to find anything that like, you know, except for mythology [And science. Forgot to mention that.] and that's all The Bible is to me.
F: You know what I'm going to do for you? I'll bring you a book tomorrow. [That book never came.] Er, I had a class, an archeologist came in and talked about the archeology of The Bible. The Bible has 26000 proofs that it's authentic. [I've heard them. "This prophecy about a whore dieing is exactly what happened at the world trade center," or "if it weren't true people wouldn't die for it's principles," and other such nonsensical rubbish.] But then they went to the next biggest one was manuscripts of, some of the great writers, um, I can't even think of it now. (unintelligible) er, let's see, Horatio, it's not Horatio, well some of the great, er, scientists of their time. [Remember: back then a scientist was really just a philosopher.] And they have, like, 200 manuscripts, 500 manuscripts, these are all things that are personal eyewitnessed, eye accounts [Or are they just assuming that because it agrees with their precious book, which is based upon the old myths which the writers of that time liked to relay. Oh, wait, these are fundies. They're most likely saying that since they saw someone swim it was Jesus walking on water, and so forth.] of the miracles that Jesus performed, blah, blah, blah. So, (unintelligible) that it kind of opened my daughter's eyes, because she's not, she believes in a higher power. Er, but she's not around,'n' she's not calling Him "God". But I asked her, "well, what is your god? 'N' who's your god?" Then she gets angry with me. (unintelligible) you have a higher power, she said: "yeah," I said: "okay. But that big book that you read out of," I said, "what does that believe?" Then she got angry 'n' I said: "okay, that's fine. You know that whatever you have is fine. Um, for you, it's not for me. So it's okay for you. I don't need to force anything. 'Cause it won't matter. You know, you can't force things on people. People will just, this 84 year old guy is, now, he says: "you know, I've lived a good life, but if this is all there is to it, it really hasn't been much." (long pause) I've loved every day I've lived.
I: Well, my life's been pretty good.
F: But I guess that's, that's my only thing. Um, 80% of our country professes to be Christian, and if they're Christian, the way they treat (pause) each other, is horrible. I wouldn't even want to be a Christian if I had to do (unintelligible).
I: Yeah.
F: That-that these people do and that they say. You know. (long pause) Well, I wish you would have, er, I hope though that. You-y-y-you (unintelligible) if you, er, I hate to say this, (unintelligible) make some exaggerated statements, if you would, er, come back the next day and say: "you know, [Fundie], you were talking yesterday and I thought: 'hey, I disagree with you'"
I: Alright.
F: I'd love that. (Rest is unintelligible)
So, there you have it. All of the intelligible portions of my conversation with Mr. Fundie, in which he got off topic like a madman, tried to convert me, used one of those moronic "not a true Christian" arguments to say that anyone who doesn't get the same thing out of the parts of The Bible which he's read or heard as he did isn't a Christian, an contradicted himself in more areas that I mentioned.
Thursday, 18 May 2006
Tuesday, December 13, 2005: The elipsis and the brackets. Two tools that let you make a quote say whatever you want
Hmmm... Where was I? Ah, yes: the list. Well, first item on the addendum is... Mr. Fundie's fundie paranoia! How exciting. Well you see, Mr. Fundie is, as has been made obvious, a fundie. And with such fundamentalism comes paranoia. You know, the Atheist are out to destroy religion, the gays want to destroy families, et cetera. However, Mr. Fundie hasn't verbally stated any of these particular complaints. He seems to express it by being concerned with strawman arguments against the school. Now true, I do that as well, but even with me being so cynical, pessimistic, and exaggerative as I am, his strawmen make me quite nervous. Here are some: CPR is a required course, which he admits to, yet he believes that it will stop being taught when he retires at the end of this year (which, in my opinion, is a little too late, considering that he's either 75 or 78 [I remember that it was most definitely one of those two]); he is also constantly saying about how everybody has case managers and councilors which will get them through any class other than his (for some reason), taking the test for them (he actually said that) and what not; along with that, he thinks that all of the other teachers not only let students walk all over them, but that the students do just that. I think he lives in some sort of parallel universe, perhaps due to senility. And, over the course of typing this, I just realised how arrogant he is. I think that the teaching community will be greatly improved through the overdue retirement of this one teacher.
At any rate, next topic: Street Scene. It was the play that God was in. It was great! God was the humorous Italian ice cream salesman. It was awesome! And, other people I kow were in it. Like Mackenzie, and Smarl, and... You know, that might have been it. But, at any rate, God is most certainly going to be the star of Necropolis (as we have entitled our movie. Well, I don't think I have enough time to touch on the rest of my notes. At this rate, I just might finish that posted list before I'm finished with life! Well, here's hoping!
At any rate, next topic: Street Scene. It was the play that God was in. It was great! God was the humorous Italian ice cream salesman. It was awesome! And, other people I kow were in it. Like Mackenzie, and Smarl, and... You know, that might have been it. But, at any rate, God is most certainly going to be the star of Necropolis (as we have entitled our movie. Well, I don't think I have enough time to touch on the rest of my notes. At this rate, I just might finish that posted list before I'm finished with life! Well, here's hoping!
Thursday, December 08, 2005
What is Russian for "comrade"?
Greetings to one and to all! Seeing as I haven't posted for a while, I have a downright list from which to work. This may be odd. Why don't I just give you the list to start it out. First, though, I must warn you of two things: firstly, that it is written in a runic alphabet, and the transliteration is literal. Therefore, some words will have odd spellings, due to the addition of certain letters (namely "þ" and "ŋ") and lack of others (namely "k" and "v"). Secondly, the list is minorly edited, seeing as I don't use aliases on it. The list is as follows:
Notes for blog.
[Mr. Fundie]'s fundie paranoia.
Street Scene.
Adopted student.
New monarchy.
[Name omitted]'s mastery of þe English Language.
CPR.
[Mr. Fundie]'s brain falacy.
Dreams of history and flim.
Principalities.
["]Yes[,] Hester?["]
Poll of critter names.
Morons' ["]t["] pronunciation.
Racism[,] sexism[,] and whateuer it's called for religion.
Healþ class name yelli?.
Agiŋ uideo.
What is Russian for ["]Comrade["]
House lice a political cartoon.
Poem about þe loŋ s.
Þat test.
Looc at metros for old liuiŋ places.
Walciŋ into þat fire hydrant.
[Mr. Fundie] beiŋ an asshole about disfunctional families.
Ciuil war flippant.
Yep. That how I do without time, a spell checker, "k", or "u". And here's how I do when I'm running out of time!
What is Russian for "comrade"?
Greetings to one and to all! Seeing as I haven't posted for a while, I have a downright list from which to work. This may be odd. Why don't I just give you the list to start it out. First, though, I must warn you of two things: firstly, that it is written in a runic alphabet, and the transliteration is literal. Therefore, some words will have odd spellings, due to the addition of certain letters (namely "þ" and "ŋ") and lack of others (namely "k" and "v"). Secondly, the list is minorly edited, seeing as I don't use aliases on it. The list is as follows:
Notes for blog.
[Mr. Fundie]'s fundie paranoia.
Street Scene.
Adopted student.
New monarchy.
[Name omitted]'s mastery of þe English Language.
CPR.
[Mr. Fundie]'s brain falacy.
Dreams of history and flim.
Principalities.
["]Yes[,] Hester?["]
Poll of critter names.
Morons' ["]t["] pronunciation.
Racism[,] sexism[,] and whateuer it's called for religion.
Healþ class name yelli?.
Agiŋ uideo.
What is Russian for ["]Comrade["]
House lice a political cartoon.
Poem about þe loŋ s.
Þat test.
Looc at metros for old liuiŋ places.
Walciŋ into þat fire hydrant.
[Mr. Fundie] beiŋ an asshole about disfunctional families.
Ciuil war flippant.
Yep. That how I do without time, a spell checker, "k", or "u". And here's how I do when I'm running out of time!
Wednesday, November 30, 2005: Pure torture: an Atheist named "Faith" or "Christian".
Okay, I have more time. Heightmax™ is an over the counter drug designed to increase the height of 12-20 year olds. That's odd, but not as bad as the commercials: "I'm worried about my son's height. He's small for a 15 year old." Huh? Last time I checked, height had been averaged, but not standardized. But, evidently it has, and being below that standard height is a very bad and problematic thing. A disease, perhaps. I mean, that is what this commercial insinuates. Now, for the record I am (at the moment) 5'9", but I'm not gay, black or female, and am concerned when these people are made fun of, especially if it was in an ad for a product marketed to them. In fact, why don't we think of some of these: "I'm worried about my son's skin. He's dark for a 15 year old." Or how about "I'm worried about my son's writing. He uses his left hand." That, of course, reaches into something extra-mundane, like height.
Next topic: today's Nabal update. Alright, now you most likely remember when I first introduced you to this highly irritating individual. If you don't here's the key quote I will be addressing:
"...Someone else... was dressed as Hitler. I heard about it before gym, when a Jewish chick was bitching about it..."
Well, this rather confused individual now has me rather confused. About her neck, falling short of the breasts which she continually flaunts in vain (for they do nothing to offset the repulsion of her character) fell a golden cross. Honestly. Now, needless to say, someone who does not believe in the New Testament would, reasonably, not wear the symbol of its followers. And given that she constantly talks of all other things, her conversion would have most definitely found my ear.
That leaves three options, as I figure it:
Option the first: She pretends to be Christian in order to fit in. This, of course, would have prevented her from stating her Judaism prior to that first entry about her.
Option the second: She was wearing it as part of a dare. This is doubtful, as she would have explained that to everyone who cared to listen and most everyone who didn't.
Option the third: She is, and was, a Christian, and merely claimed to be Jewish (Perhaps to give her word more kick {though if that was the goal, it failed}).
Well, time's up. Still got loads to tell you, but that'll have to wait.
Next topic: today's Nabal update. Alright, now you most likely remember when I first introduced you to this highly irritating individual. If you don't here's the key quote I will be addressing:
"...Someone else... was dressed as Hitler. I heard about it before gym, when a Jewish chick was bitching about it..."
Well, this rather confused individual now has me rather confused. About her neck, falling short of the breasts which she continually flaunts in vain (for they do nothing to offset the repulsion of her character) fell a golden cross. Honestly. Now, needless to say, someone who does not believe in the New Testament would, reasonably, not wear the symbol of its followers. And given that she constantly talks of all other things, her conversion would have most definitely found my ear.
That leaves three options, as I figure it:
Option the first: She pretends to be Christian in order to fit in. This, of course, would have prevented her from stating her Judaism prior to that first entry about her.
Option the second: She was wearing it as part of a dare. This is doubtful, as she would have explained that to everyone who cared to listen and most everyone who didn't.
Option the third: She is, and was, a Christian, and merely claimed to be Jewish (Perhaps to give her word more kick {though if that was the goal, it failed}).
Well, time's up. Still got loads to tell you, but that'll have to wait.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005: Fight for peace, drink to health, and fuck for chastity.
Hello, everyone. Got loads to tell you all. First on the agenda is that I just got back from a five day weekend for one of the few non-Christian holidays that school gets out for. This, of course, is Thanksgiving. For those of you lucky enough to live in a civilized nation outside of the States, allow me to explain: this is an odd holiday celebrating an event which to the best of my knowledge may not have occurred. During it you eat. Lots. That's why Americans are so fat, since on top of Halloween we have this major feast holiday. Okay, so there are other reasons, but that's got to be one of them. I, luckily, have a high metabolism, so even with this I'm underweight. Anyway, it was minorly awkward, for Friday fell on a Wednesday and Monday is now falling on a Tuesday.
Secondly, something which one of my school's deans of students said. It was in an article in the school paper on the dress code. Now, of course the dress code is ridiculous. It is based on the morals and opinions of major fundies, and has such preposterous regulations as "no backless garments". Most likely, we know this already. Before we get to the quote, however, I would like to critique part of the article. The list of rules did this ridiculous repetition of rules thing. Now, once would have been cute (if it was on something particularly important), but they way overshot that. Here is the list (I shit you not):
*No headgear of any kind until after 3:10pm.
*No backless garments
*No short skirts or shorts
*No backless garments
*No short skirts or shorts
*No heavy chains
*No spiked accessories or jewelry
*No clothing containing messages referring to alcohol, tobacco, or drugs
*No bare midriffs
*No visible cleavage
*No short skirts or shorts
*No exposed undergarments
Yup. That's how stupid my school is. But, to the quote: "Individualism is highly appreciated, however, expressing that should be done on your fee time." You dumb fucking Neo-Nazi cunt (And for the record, I'm not usually inclined to using that word). How the fuck can she think that being yourself, a basic part of human dignity, should be saved for your free time? It's just the kind of rampant conformism which caused another Thing I have to bitch about. Heightmax™. It's this over the counter drug which I will talk about tomorrow, when I have time.
Secondly, something which one of my school's deans of students said. It was in an article in the school paper on the dress code. Now, of course the dress code is ridiculous. It is based on the morals and opinions of major fundies, and has such preposterous regulations as "no backless garments". Most likely, we know this already. Before we get to the quote, however, I would like to critique part of the article. The list of rules did this ridiculous repetition of rules thing. Now, once would have been cute (if it was on something particularly important), but they way overshot that. Here is the list (I shit you not):
*No headgear of any kind until after 3:10pm.
*No backless garments
*No short skirts or shorts
*No backless garments
*No short skirts or shorts
*No heavy chains
*No spiked accessories or jewelry
*No clothing containing messages referring to alcohol, tobacco, or drugs
*No bare midriffs
*No visible cleavage
*No short skirts or shorts
*No exposed undergarments
Yup. That's how stupid my school is. But, to the quote: "Individualism is highly appreciated, however, expressing that should be done on your fee time." You dumb fucking Neo-Nazi cunt (And for the record, I'm not usually inclined to using that word). How the fuck can she think that being yourself, a basic part of human dignity, should be saved for your free time? It's just the kind of rampant conformism which caused another Thing I have to bitch about. Heightmax™. It's this over the counter drug which I will talk about tomorrow, when I have time.
Monday, November 21, 2005: Ąß¥œŊĎέЃتץ
Hello. Today I would like to talk about something very serious and important. Unfortunately I can't think of anything that fits that description at the current moment. But hey, I did give an interesting compliment during that immature thing in Mr. Fundie's class. 'Twas "You are worthy of a compliment".
Also, me and some friends are planning out an independent zombie film. So far we've got me writing it, some folks (mainly me, Spike, and a friend who I will call "Larry", because it's his first name) working on the planning, and two possible cast members-me as "Tom"-the dark, intelligent major character; and Lady Lane as "Blondie"-the abnormally intelligent main zombie. It'll be great!
And for an update on the war, check the comments on the last entry. Part in peace!
Also, me and some friends are planning out an independent zombie film. So far we've got me writing it, some folks (mainly me, Spike, and a friend who I will call "Larry", because it's his first name) working on the planning, and two possible cast members-me as "Tom"-the dark, intelligent major character; and Lady Lane as "Blondie"-the abnormally intelligent main zombie. It'll be great!
And for an update on the war, check the comments on the last entry. Part in peace!
Saturday, November 19, 2005: We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertanty!
Good day to all of you who deserve it! I don't have much time, so I'd just like to start a war with "Mr.Duck" and this chick. Mr. Duck commented on my last entry and you can check out the other one for yourself.
Friday, November 18, 2005: Ain't ain't a word 'cause it wasn't in the dictionary over four decades ago.
Greetings! I would like to start out with a song a friend of mine (who I shall refer to by the alias "Haywood Jablomi", which is of his invention) sang to me:
Roll, roll, roll your jointTwist it at the endLight it upTake a puffAnd pass it to a friend
That was great, wasn't it? Anyway, I would like to mention an odd dealy which happened lately: the "Day of Silence for Peace". This is kind of like those walks/races for curing diseases which donate profits to education, treatment, and other things which are not cures. By that I mean that it was an act for something which does nothing for it and makes no sense whatsoever. Also, the participants which I saw communicated through notes and signing, defeating the purpose. It may have been to get attention, but this just got a sort of "okay, that's weird" attention with none toward the message they were attempting to give (as should be expected). It may have also been to remember the evils of war, though one of my friends didn't seem to get that, if that was the point, and was the cheeriest I've seen her in a while, though I won't name any names. Nabal, though she had considered it, decided not to participate, which was a pity because I could have done without her constant, random, illogical chatter. I also heard of the local peace group planning a "walk out", where students walk out of their classes during school. Once again, pointless and in no way related to the objective, but this time there also being lazy and anti-scholastic. Needless to say, I won't participate. On the plus side, there was a protest at the local recruiting center, which went well. I wasn't there, seeing as it was way too fucking cold to do anything outside, but here's what my brother said happened: there was a small pro-war group (between a third and half the size of the anti-war one) standing behind them, one of who said "fuck the First Amendment" about the anti-war folks; a semi honked at them, which was good since they had a "Honk for Peace" sign among many other signs and two "Peace" flags (the pro-war group had one sign, which read "Thank our Troops", and one American flag), and a guy with many Christian bumper stickers stopped by and called them "some of the lowest communist scum out there", after which the group leader said that that guy had been bothering them for three years.
Also, my health class is pissing me off more and more. We're learning first aid, just like last year, with assumption of no prior knowledge. This, of course, means that half of last year was just a blip in lesson planning, and a waste of our time. Also, when ever Mr. Fundie mentions breathing, I start thinking about mine. Then me having to consciously breathe makes me think about my blinking. Even typing about it is making it happen. On a humorous note, Nabal seems more deserving of her alias every day. First, she said about how she's incredibly allergic to bees, yet doesn't carry her epinephrine pen with her; then, she said that she has a potassium deficiency, yet doesn't wear the bracelet designed to inform medical personnel of this. These, companied by any other medical problems she's being an idiot about, are why I predict that she will be dead within the next five years. Speaking of death, It's time for me to end this entry.
Roll, roll, roll your jointTwist it at the endLight it upTake a puffAnd pass it to a friend
That was great, wasn't it? Anyway, I would like to mention an odd dealy which happened lately: the "Day of Silence for Peace". This is kind of like those walks/races for curing diseases which donate profits to education, treatment, and other things which are not cures. By that I mean that it was an act for something which does nothing for it and makes no sense whatsoever. Also, the participants which I saw communicated through notes and signing, defeating the purpose. It may have been to get attention, but this just got a sort of "okay, that's weird" attention with none toward the message they were attempting to give (as should be expected). It may have also been to remember the evils of war, though one of my friends didn't seem to get that, if that was the point, and was the cheeriest I've seen her in a while, though I won't name any names. Nabal, though she had considered it, decided not to participate, which was a pity because I could have done without her constant, random, illogical chatter. I also heard of the local peace group planning a "walk out", where students walk out of their classes during school. Once again, pointless and in no way related to the objective, but this time there also being lazy and anti-scholastic. Needless to say, I won't participate. On the plus side, there was a protest at the local recruiting center, which went well. I wasn't there, seeing as it was way too fucking cold to do anything outside, but here's what my brother said happened: there was a small pro-war group (between a third and half the size of the anti-war one) standing behind them, one of who said "fuck the First Amendment" about the anti-war folks; a semi honked at them, which was good since they had a "Honk for Peace" sign among many other signs and two "Peace" flags (the pro-war group had one sign, which read "Thank our Troops", and one American flag), and a guy with many Christian bumper stickers stopped by and called them "some of the lowest communist scum out there", after which the group leader said that that guy had been bothering them for three years.
Also, my health class is pissing me off more and more. We're learning first aid, just like last year, with assumption of no prior knowledge. This, of course, means that half of last year was just a blip in lesson planning, and a waste of our time. Also, when ever Mr. Fundie mentions breathing, I start thinking about mine. Then me having to consciously breathe makes me think about my blinking. Even typing about it is making it happen. On a humorous note, Nabal seems more deserving of her alias every day. First, she said about how she's incredibly allergic to bees, yet doesn't carry her epinephrine pen with her; then, she said that she has a potassium deficiency, yet doesn't wear the bracelet designed to inform medical personnel of this. These, companied by any other medical problems she's being an idiot about, are why I predict that she will be dead within the next five years. Speaking of death, It's time for me to end this entry.
Thursday, November 17, 2005: Jackdaws love my big sphinx of quartz.
Today is a very important holiday. Today is the sixteenth anniversary of my birth. Unfortunately, I just got my permit a month ago, so no licence for me. But, I have reached the age of consent! But, I don't forsee me using that new right anytime soon. I'm so fucking pathetic. But anyway, here were my gifts: my mom gave me a mug with a quote about celebrating life, some chai tea fixins, and a key ring with a key to the family car and an axolotl on it. W---- gave me a portrait of Andrew Jackson signed by the current Secretary of the Treasury and National Treasurer. My relatives (my sister Sybil's family, my great aunt, and my sister Stacy's family) sent me cards, with the sisters giving me family pics and a gift certificate, respectively. I also won a pizza on the local radio station birthday announcements. But, I'm out of time.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005: My god, it's full of stars.
Welcome, all ye fair travelers of the land, welcome to the Kingdom of Tomen! Today I would like to talk to you about something which irritates me to no end. But first I would like to advise you to read my profile, as it is updated frequently as well. Also, anyone who knows a way to get that profile onto my sidebar, please show yourself and inform me of this technique. At any rate, this bother is that many claim, for reasons unbeknownst to me, that Catholics are exempt from Christian status. If you are currently thinking "what the fuck?", you are obviously sane, as this makes no sense whatsoever. Or perhaps I am unaware of some Papal decree stating that the New Testiment is compleatly untrue and Jesus was in no way devine if, in fact, He ever existed. Is so, then this Pope may just be a good guy, even if he was a member of Hitler's Youth back in the day. However, due to lack of news coverage and/or mass riots, I find this unlikely. If someone could please explain how this is supposed to work, I will gladly point out the flaws in your argument. But, I'm out of time. So long!
Tuesday, November 15, 2005: The answer to number 19 is "c".
For all of ye who may enter this realm, allow me to state as follows: I greet thee most eagerly. Today, I would primarily like to speak more of my health class. Firstly, I have an alias for that bitch who thinks that people don't have rights in school. It shall be "Nâbâl" (though those ^'s are annoying, so I won't use them). I chose this because it's Biblical Hebrew for "fool". 'Tis fitting, no? Secondly, I have remembered another action of my fundie teacher. He blamed the fall of the Roman Empire on sexual freedom. No, that was not a typo. He actually said that Rome fell because you "could sleep with anyone or anything you wanted to". Now, of course it fell because the Barbarians conquered them. Everyone but this intolerant fuck knows that. For him to say that just because they didn't have to follow Christian morals in regards to sexuality their empire collapsed is too horrible for words. And they allow this man to educate the masses. Fuck, you might as well say "the Egyptians were conquered because they were all niggers." That would have been in equally bad taste, however it would get him fired, and the other didn't. Ah yes, and he has this childish little habit of having some folks get up at the beginning of class and compliment someone (Nabal was skipped and didn't care). This, I believe, is because he may not notice that we are in the high school, not the pre-school building. There they want you to all be friends and develop good manners and habits, whereas in later grades they typically respect your right to enjoy certain people's company and avoid that of others. Not Mr. Fundie (that alias didn't quite take as long). At any rate, on to better subjects.
I would next wish to speak of a humorous incident which occurred whilst I was randomly browsing the library with a friend of mine, a certain Mr.W----. While we were going down an aisle, W---- saw a book entitled The Amateur Naturalist. He immediately pulled it out and relieved to see pictures of rocks and plants and the lot. Now, after a bit of evasive conversing, I think that he confused naturalist with naturist, the European/nudist term for, well, nudist. You should have seen the look on his face. You see, I may have pulled it out inquisitively to see if it was what I thought it was, but he freaked out. 'Twas hilarious! But, of course, he's a bit more of the strait-laced Christian type than I. At any rate, I must leave now. So long to all of ye!
Monday, November 14, 2005: Always be wary of a blind man holding a gun.
Greetings and salutations, my loyal follower(s). And to the rest of you, welcome to the world of Tomen, or thank you for enduring previous entries. Today I shall speak of my class of health and that which relates to crises. you see, in this class I must endure proximity to three intolerable individuals: the first being one whom I have already mentioned multiple times and is in desperate need of an alias; the second being one who, as well as being an imbecile, is unfriendly toward Atheists (for reasons undefined); and the third being one who happens to teach the class. My major disagreement with him was during class discussions, which I believe I outlined yesterday. Aside from that, he also described himself as an "old Christian" as an explanation for his disliking for swearing (when saying it was school policy would have sufficed) and, when people were saying thing people might be harassed about and writing them on the board, completely ignored someone who said "sexual preference" several times. This, in my mind, screams "fundie". However, I must leave you with this thought, because I can think of no tangent which takes less than the five minutes I have remaining on this computer. So with this I shall say: Fare well, all ye loyal ſubjects, and may your lives be fruitful. (Not a quote).
Wednesday, November 09, 2005: Holy Shit, I can add a title!
Greetings! I now have a to do list! Here's what I've got so far:
1) Raise grades
2) Learn Spanish, Japanese, and Latin
3) Somehow prove that God doesn't exist
Crazy, eh? I also figured out that "homicide" is Latin for "manslaughter". Makes you wonder why they're separate charges. Anyway, my gym class changed to health, and we had a dealy about harassment today. We got off on a tangent about whether or not wearing a shirt that offends a certain person is harassment. Of course, guess who said yes. I should give her an alias since I don't know (or care to find out) her real name. Anyway, the teacher gave this example of this guy who said (when people said "just don't look") "sure, I'll go to school wearing my 'masturbation' t-shirt. Then I'll have one with a picture of a guy raping an infant." It continued, and the point was, well if you don't know, then how are you smart enough to be literate? At any rate, how's this? Why don't I try and get crosses banned, due to the inquisition. Or, since the Ku Klux Klan wears white, let's not have people wear that. It'd be offensive. See, it works either way.
1) Raise grades
2) Learn Spanish, Japanese, and Latin
3) Somehow prove that God doesn't exist
Crazy, eh? I also figured out that "homicide" is Latin for "manslaughter". Makes you wonder why they're separate charges. Anyway, my gym class changed to health, and we had a dealy about harassment today. We got off on a tangent about whether or not wearing a shirt that offends a certain person is harassment. Of course, guess who said yes. I should give her an alias since I don't know (or care to find out) her real name. Anyway, the teacher gave this example of this guy who said (when people said "just don't look") "sure, I'll go to school wearing my 'masturbation' t-shirt. Then I'll have one with a picture of a guy raping an infant." It continued, and the point was, well if you don't know, then how are you smart enough to be literate? At any rate, how's this? Why don't I try and get crosses banned, due to the inquisition. Or, since the Ku Klux Klan wears white, let's not have people wear that. It'd be offensive. See, it works either way.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Hi kids! Today we're going to talk about segregation. You see, segregation is where certain people go to one place for something and others go to another.This is often for no apparent reason and is merely taken for granted. Can anyone think of something that's segregated? Anyone? Well, when you go to try on clothes at the mall, don't they make boys go to certain rooms and girls another? That's segregation. Now, Why do you think that is? Yes, Johnny, but doesn't everyone go a different little room? So, why are some of the rooms for boys and others for girls? Does anyone have an answer? Well, why don't we try another one: can anyone think of something else that's segregated? Suzie? Yes, that's absolutely correct. Bathrooms are a wonderful example. Now, do you have any idea about that one? Yes, Billy? Yes, that's true, boys do have urinals, but don't you face it? So, people wouldn't see you, if that worries you. Anyone else? Okay, why don't we try a third one: you see, when you're older, you'll have to change your clothes before and after gym class. You do this in big rooms called locker rooms. Yes, together, Bobby. Sh, sh! Now, there are usually two of them: one for boys and one for girls. Why do you think that is? Yes, but you have to get used to that with either other boys or other girls, anyway, so why not with both? Yes, Angie? Yes, but some girls like girls and some boys like boys, so someone might like you there anyway. anyone else? No? Well, It's time for nap now. We'll talk about this more afterwords.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Greetings! I've decided to write entries again! Of course, since I don't have internet at the current moment I have to do it at the library, meaning that I can't do those long-ass entries we all know and love, since I'm limited to only an hour a day. But anyway, back to that dumb-fuck I reported on yesterday. Showing such a fundamental flaw in the most rudementary logic is just one of those things that makes you look at someone differently. I mean, I didn't even know she existed before, but now she makes me nervous. Okay, listen to this: if we say that folks can't dress up as Hitler because it would offend Jews, gays, Gypsies, et cetera, then what next? I saw a devil. Will they let the fundies ban that? And let's not forget about witches. Or even better, angels. They represent Xianity, which, as a Xian actually admitted to, is a hate group. They hate non-Xians (like Jews), gays... hey, wait a second... hmmm. Coincidence? Anyway, let's get off this topic until I have more time. Back to Tinker vs. the Board of Education. If you didn't look it up, here's the lowdown: Mary-Beth Tinker and her brother (whose name eludes me) wore these peace sign armbands to school during that war in that one Asian country. What was it called? Oh yeah, Vietnam. At any rate, the bastards in charge of that institution told them to remove them. they took it to court, because they knew more than most folks 'round here (in the states, that is). The bastards at their school did shit like say someone should kill their father over the radio, but still they fought. The Supreme Court made the decision which common sense dictated: that people don't shed their rights upon entering the schoolhouse. Anyway, that's about it for today. Bye!
Monday, October 31, 2005
Hi! 'Tis Halloween today, and I figured I might as well talk about it. I couldn't think of anything to dress up as. I had considered going as God: I would stay home and have a friend hand out cards (in their handwriting) which says that I was indeed there and that anyone who disagrees with this should be put to death. Also that thou shalt not kill. And if they disagreed, then the friend should say that it breaks every natural law because every classroom must have me there. But, I didn't think of this until this morning. At any rate, a few people dressed up. One person dressed up in a giant tellitubby outfit. I thought it was funny, but a lot of folks beat the shit out of her. Someone else, who I didn't see, was dressed as Hitler. I heard about it before gym, when a Jewish chick was bitching about it. Now, I'm not saying that I minded her doing so. If I saw someone dressed up as Ignacious de Loyola (he started the inquisition), I would probably be offended. What I did have a problem with was what she said next. Someone said something about free speech, and she said that it's free speech if they're walking down the street, but if they're in school it's not. Huh? And she was one of those folks who will repeat a phrase like that several times in a row in order to imitate conversation. After each repetition, I said "that makes no sense". She ignored me, perhaps because she had no response. Then some folks agreed with me and I spoke with them. I just can't stand morons. I mean, yes, Hitler ordered the death of lots of Gypsies, Jews, Gays, and disabled folks (everyone ignores all of them except for the Jews), but does that make dressing up as him not free speech? and to say that free speech doesn't apply in school. What a fucking dumb ass. The Supreme court has ruled on this, you know. Tinker vs. some educational thing. You'll have to look it up for yourself, because I'm out of time.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Greetings! I just got back from the new house, and it was interesting. I was there for two nights, and the following happened:
First day: we had to bring Tomen, so that we could give him his antibiotics. He has to take amoxicillin to prevent infection from his last infection. Then Mom cooked a great meal, and we were just serving ourselves when Mark (my step dad to be) turned off the TV (Spike was watching The Silence of the Lambs). Spike was naturally upset, and said something to the effect of "hey, I was watching that!" Mark then exploded and was yelling about how Spike "isn't the boss". Needless to say, Spike didn't take that shit, considering he lets his own children watch TV and eat, and he's been treating us like guests as long as we've been with him, which has been at least a year and a half. All of this added up to Spike yelling a few things at Mark, the only one I can remember being "fuck you!" Mark then told him to get out of his house. We then got into a heated debate and were about to leave for quite a while, causing most of us to cry since we loved the girls (Mark's daughters) so much. After Mark and Mom talked a while, Mark had a talk with Spike, after which Spike said they had it pretty much figured out. We'll see about that.
Second day: we got stuff unpacked, and went on about five walks. some were to the park, and one was to a garage sale, where I got a leash for Luby, a candle with a moon thingy for Mom, and a Red Hot Chili Peppers cassette (What Hits!?) for me, which I would be listening to, were it not for the fact that our only working/powered cassette player we own was left at the new house. The rest of the walks were just exploring town. we found a hardware store that was kind of interesting, along with a neat office supply store with everything (even restroom signs), that we later realized was where my dad gets mechanical pencils. We also found two churches, however neither of them have those stupid sayings like "be a fisher of men" (which inspired my dad to do a drawing), and the one we were seeing them at was replaced by a boring signless church. Anyway, this new place has a much better church record than Brainerd, where every church is within a short walk of at least one other. One can only imagine what kinds of denominations that no one's ever heard of have churches there.
Third day: we left, though first I saw one of the dumbest sci-fi shows ever. It's called "Time Cop". Here's a rundown: two years from now (that's not a typo, it really does take place in 2007) time travel has been invented, and is done using wrist-thingies that look like they came out of a happy meal. Some criminals use it to commit crimes in the past. When they do, it's detected by this device in a police station (why none of these automatically destroy it is beyond me). The folks working at it are the modern series cliché: a male by-the-book boss, an organized, intelligent woman, who is the smartest, cleverest, overall best character, and a low average IQ guy who does everything but ultimately relies on the woman. He gets sent back in time and tries to apprehend the criminal, without any regard for damage to history (talking to people, shooting, etc.. Did I mention that they use ray guns that look like they came from a toy store? They also use the worst sci-fi concept ever:" you can't touch yourself, or you'll cease to exist, since the same matter can't occupy the same space at the same time". Whoever thought of this rule should be forced to rape himself from before he invented it, to prove himself wrong before it inflicts as much damage as it presently has. Here's that assumption debunked: That would apply on the atomic scale (or lower), making lining up yourself just right impossible, skin flakes are constantly being blown off of you, meaning some part of you touching your alter-ego is inevitable, you are not made up of the same matter your entire life, atoms of the same element are identical (so "the same matter" would be nothing special), and touching something does not make you coincide with it. Got it? now let's see the series finale and get some decent shows on the sci-fi channel.
Anyway, Spike also made an observation about commercials. Ever notice that condom commercials are only on a few channels and use ridiculous euphemisms, and commercials for tampons/vaginal itch cream/anything else that goes in a female crotch (aside from condoms) are on every channel that doesn't cater specifically to men (at least I don't think they're on those) and speak very frankly. I mean, I know these products are very important, and are used by every woman between puberty and menopause, but aren't condoms supposed to be important? I mean, they are supposed to protect us from diseases and pregnancy, or something like that. Shouldn't they be on every channel?
Another curiosity of mine was the problem of removing body parts. Vasectomies, appendectomies, (insert body part you can evidently live without here)ectomies. What happens with the blood vessels? I mean, blood is moved out of the heart by veins and brought back by arteries, and the surgery would take away some connections, wouldn't it? And then, wouldn't the blood just pound on the new dead end until it bled? Do doctors really rearrange the blood vessels to line up properly? That seems like it would take a long time to work out. Or do they just do that naturally? What about non-professional amputations? Wouldn't the burning prevent that from happening? It's not like the void would turn into a sinus. That would greatly compromise the integrity and efficiency of our cardiovascular system, and seems very unlikely.
If you didn't run away because of the polysyllabic words in the last paragraph, then here's another rant for you: people in America are such idiots. If you're reading this blog, you most likely already know this. But I must mention that the typical American could easily swallow Time Cop as reasonable, not to mention whatever the churches are telling them now. Plus there's the fact that some people actually believe that we're the only country with basic freedoms. In eighth grade geography we had a french foreign exchange student talk to the class. Someone actually asked her if she felt freer in America. What an idiot! She just told him that America isn't any freer than Europe and that it just pumps out a lot more propaganda. Damn I hate this country.
By the way, did you ever notice that Xanga's spell checker doesn't recognize swear words? Wonder if there's some rule against using them, or if the sight-makers just thought they wouldn't be used that much. Anyway, so long for now!
First day: we had to bring Tomen, so that we could give him his antibiotics. He has to take amoxicillin to prevent infection from his last infection. Then Mom cooked a great meal, and we were just serving ourselves when Mark (my step dad to be) turned off the TV (Spike was watching The Silence of the Lambs). Spike was naturally upset, and said something to the effect of "hey, I was watching that!" Mark then exploded and was yelling about how Spike "isn't the boss". Needless to say, Spike didn't take that shit, considering he lets his own children watch TV and eat, and he's been treating us like guests as long as we've been with him, which has been at least a year and a half. All of this added up to Spike yelling a few things at Mark, the only one I can remember being "fuck you!" Mark then told him to get out of his house. We then got into a heated debate and were about to leave for quite a while, causing most of us to cry since we loved the girls (Mark's daughters) so much. After Mark and Mom talked a while, Mark had a talk with Spike, after which Spike said they had it pretty much figured out. We'll see about that.
Second day: we got stuff unpacked, and went on about five walks. some were to the park, and one was to a garage sale, where I got a leash for Luby, a candle with a moon thingy for Mom, and a Red Hot Chili Peppers cassette (What Hits!?) for me, which I would be listening to, were it not for the fact that our only working/powered cassette player we own was left at the new house. The rest of the walks were just exploring town. we found a hardware store that was kind of interesting, along with a neat office supply store with everything (even restroom signs), that we later realized was where my dad gets mechanical pencils. We also found two churches, however neither of them have those stupid sayings like "be a fisher of men" (which inspired my dad to do a drawing), and the one we were seeing them at was replaced by a boring signless church. Anyway, this new place has a much better church record than Brainerd, where every church is within a short walk of at least one other. One can only imagine what kinds of denominations that no one's ever heard of have churches there.
Third day: we left, though first I saw one of the dumbest sci-fi shows ever. It's called "Time Cop". Here's a rundown: two years from now (that's not a typo, it really does take place in 2007) time travel has been invented, and is done using wrist-thingies that look like they came out of a happy meal. Some criminals use it to commit crimes in the past. When they do, it's detected by this device in a police station (why none of these automatically destroy it is beyond me). The folks working at it are the modern series cliché: a male by-the-book boss, an organized, intelligent woman, who is the smartest, cleverest, overall best character, and a low average IQ guy who does everything but ultimately relies on the woman. He gets sent back in time and tries to apprehend the criminal, without any regard for damage to history (talking to people, shooting, etc.. Did I mention that they use ray guns that look like they came from a toy store? They also use the worst sci-fi concept ever:" you can't touch yourself, or you'll cease to exist, since the same matter can't occupy the same space at the same time". Whoever thought of this rule should be forced to rape himself from before he invented it, to prove himself wrong before it inflicts as much damage as it presently has. Here's that assumption debunked: That would apply on the atomic scale (or lower), making lining up yourself just right impossible, skin flakes are constantly being blown off of you, meaning some part of you touching your alter-ego is inevitable, you are not made up of the same matter your entire life, atoms of the same element are identical (so "the same matter" would be nothing special), and touching something does not make you coincide with it. Got it? now let's see the series finale and get some decent shows on the sci-fi channel.
Anyway, Spike also made an observation about commercials. Ever notice that condom commercials are only on a few channels and use ridiculous euphemisms, and commercials for tampons/vaginal itch cream/anything else that goes in a female crotch (aside from condoms) are on every channel that doesn't cater specifically to men (at least I don't think they're on those) and speak very frankly. I mean, I know these products are very important, and are used by every woman between puberty and menopause, but aren't condoms supposed to be important? I mean, they are supposed to protect us from diseases and pregnancy, or something like that. Shouldn't they be on every channel?
Another curiosity of mine was the problem of removing body parts. Vasectomies, appendectomies, (insert body part you can evidently live without here)ectomies. What happens with the blood vessels? I mean, blood is moved out of the heart by veins and brought back by arteries, and the surgery would take away some connections, wouldn't it? And then, wouldn't the blood just pound on the new dead end until it bled? Do doctors really rearrange the blood vessels to line up properly? That seems like it would take a long time to work out. Or do they just do that naturally? What about non-professional amputations? Wouldn't the burning prevent that from happening? It's not like the void would turn into a sinus. That would greatly compromise the integrity and efficiency of our cardiovascular system, and seems very unlikely.
If you didn't run away because of the polysyllabic words in the last paragraph, then here's another rant for you: people in America are such idiots. If you're reading this blog, you most likely already know this. But I must mention that the typical American could easily swallow Time Cop as reasonable, not to mention whatever the churches are telling them now. Plus there's the fact that some people actually believe that we're the only country with basic freedoms. In eighth grade geography we had a french foreign exchange student talk to the class. Someone actually asked her if she felt freer in America. What an idiot! She just told him that America isn't any freer than Europe and that it just pumps out a lot more propaganda. Damn I hate this country.
By the way, did you ever notice that Xanga's spell checker doesn't recognize swear words? Wonder if there's some rule against using them, or if the sight-makers just thought they wouldn't be used that much. Anyway, so long for now!
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Hello again! Today Tomen got back, and he's weird as ever. Maybe worse. You see, he's been paranoid since he was neutered (and for good reasons), and I wouldn't be surprised if each of these surgeries made that worse.
In other news, the Apocalypse, which has been impending since a middle eastern carpenter predicted it nearly two millennia ago, has still not occurred (Sorry, I just find that very funny).
Anyway, I think I'll start writing my own parody Bible (like God [aka "brocen"{see my subscriptions}]). It'll be a verse-by-verse parody of the King James Bible with the Apocrypha, and I'll call it the King Jones Version (kind of a stupid name, but oh well). Some verses will be more realistic, some will be more fucked up, some will have a few words added, some removed, et cetera. More to come on that.
And as for that e-mail from that preaching chick, I'm not one to give most of my attention to petty name-calling, but I will demand an apology and mention the whole "You'd have to be an idiot to be a Xian" thing, and ask them "if even the fool can figure it out, then what's your problem?" Unfortunately, they'll most likely respond with something like "We didn't know that it would offend you so much. We meant it as spiritual guidance, not an insult!" and go off into some tangent about how it's somehow not an insult, "but if it makes [me] feel better, then sorry". Then I'll just have to set them strait. Depressing.
At any rate, here's Psalms 14:1, King Jones style (version 1.1)-
Even the fool hath said in his heart, "There is no God. He is corrupt, He has done abominable Works, He doeth no good."
In other news, the Apocalypse, which has been impending since a middle eastern carpenter predicted it nearly two millennia ago, has still not occurred (Sorry, I just find that very funny).
Anyway, I think I'll start writing my own parody Bible (like God [aka "brocen"{see my subscriptions
And as for that e-mail from that preaching chick, I'm not one to give most of my attention to petty name-calling, but I will demand an apology and mention the whole "You'd have to be an idiot to be a Xian" thing, and ask them "if even the fool can figure it out, then what's your problem?" Unfortunately, they'll most likely respond with something like "We didn't know that it would offend you so much. We meant it as spiritual guidance, not an insult!" and go off into some tangent about how it's somehow not an insult, "but if it makes [me] feel better, then sorry". Then I'll just have to set them strait. Depressing.
At any rate, here's Psalms 14:1, King Jones style (version 1.1)-
Monday, August 22, 2005
Hello again! O'er the weekend me and the family went to the new house (we're moving soon, but I'll stay in the same metro [at least here on Xanga]) and stayed for a couple of nights. Whilst we were there we met another neighbor and got my room somewhat more livable (removed the linoleum, got rid of the nails in the walls, tore down these boards covering up the chimney, vacuumed, and scrubbed the walls and floor).
We also investigated the nearby graveyard. As most cemeteries around here are, it was filled with crosses and that stupid praying hands thingy that every Xian's afraid to admit looks stupid, and stuff about how they're in heaven. Just once I'd like to see a non-Xian symbol, or a text against the afterlife, or even someone saying they're in Hell on their tombstone. Sometimes I wonder if non-Xians even get buried up here in Minnesota. That, along with the fact that 99.99% of all tombstones are in Times New Roman (a font that I only use because of Xanga's limited selections) takes some of the fun out of graveyard walking. But what I saw on one of the gates was even worse. A cross. On the fucking gate! That's kind of like pissing on the graves of the non-Xians, wouldn't you agree? I should throw rocks at it until it comes down. I hope the church across the street doesn't call the cops (though I think I could handle it if they just called God). It wasn't all bad, though. There were a few graves that had hilarious nonsensical inscriptions like "Asleep in Jesus" and "Not lost, but gone early". That's probably why zombies eat everyone. They want revenge for their bad tombstone inscriptions. Do me a favor: Xians, if you are still Xian when you die, get a hilarious inscription like those ones up there. Non-Xians, proclaim your beliefs just as loudly on your tombstone (I need a thesaurus) as the Christophiles.
Anyway, when we got back we played with our dogs Luby and Chancey, and then when Luby jumped and started scratching her face we noticed that we were under a wasp nest. Later we notice her eyelid was puffed up. We put ice on it and took her for a car ride to make her happy.
When we got home we noticed that my cat (after whom this account is named) was dieing again. I can speak lightly of it because the vet eventually agreed to see him even though we owe over $1000 for removing two urinary blockages and one reproductive system (so that he'll never get a blockage again). So anyway, the vet removed the blockage which he couldn't get (I'm considering a malpractice suit) and he's going to keep Tomen overnight.
I also got an e-mail back from this chick who tried to convert me to Xianity during a "survey on spirituality". In it, she partially tried to prove Biblical inerrancy, and called me and all non-Xians fools. To be more precise she quoted Psalms 14:1, which is a verse which makes you want to feed the quoter their own hands. It says: " The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.", or in The Message: "A David psalm. Bilious and bloated, they gas, "God is gone." Their words are poison gas, fouling the air; they poison Rivers and skies; thistles are their cash crop." (That last one confuses me). Of course, she only quoted the fool part, leaving out the part that says that I'm pure evil. That, of course, is like me ending my e-mail with "You'd have to be some sort of idiot to be a Christian" (I tried to be nice and avoid using "Xian" in my last e-mail. That will now stop.)
In light of the religious nature of that last bit, I think a verse or two is necessary:
KJV
1 Timothy 1:4-
Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do.
Titus 3:9-
But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain.
MSG (Even its abbreviation is funny!)
1 Timothy 1:4-
Apparently some people have been introducing fantasy stories and fanciful family trees that digress into silliness instead of pulling the people back into the center, deepening faith and obedience.
Titus 3:9-
Stay away from mindless, pointless quarreling over genealogies and fine print in the law code. That gets you nowhere.
Wycliffe (for the Hell of it)
1 Timothy 1:4-
nether yyue tent to fablis and genologies that ben vncerteyn, whiche yyuen questiouns, more than edificacioun of God, that is in the feith.
Titus 3:9-
And eschewe thou foltische questiouns, and genologies, and stryues, and fiytyngis of the lawe; for tho ben vnprofitable and veyn.
I think most should be able to appreciate these verses importance, the stupidity of The Message, and just how far this language has come since 1385.
We also investigated the nearby graveyard. As most cemeteries around here are, it was filled with crosses and that stupid praying hands thingy that every Xian's afraid to admit looks stupid, and stuff about how they're in heaven. Just once I'd like to see a non-Xian symbol, or a text against the afterlife, or even someone saying they're in Hell on their tombstone. Sometimes I wonder if non-Xians even get buried up here in Minnesota. That, along with the fact that 99.99% of all tombstones are in Times New Roman (a font that I only use because of Xanga's limited selections) takes some of the fun out of graveyard walking. But what I saw on one of the gates was even worse. A cross. On the fucking gate! That's kind of like pissing on the graves of the non-Xians, wouldn't you agree? I should throw rocks at it until it comes down. I hope the church across the street doesn't call the cops (though I think I could handle it if they just called God). It wasn't all bad, though. There were a few graves that had hilarious nonsensical inscriptions like "Asleep in Jesus" and "Not lost, but gone early". That's probably why zombies eat everyone. They want revenge for their bad tombstone inscriptions. Do me a favor: Xians, if you are still Xian when you die, get a hilarious inscription like those ones up there. Non-Xians, proclaim your beliefs just as loudly on your tombstone (I need a thesaurus) as the Christophiles.
Anyway, when we got back we played with our dogs Luby and Chancey, and then when Luby jumped and started scratching her face we noticed that we were under a wasp nest. Later we notice her eyelid was puffed up. We put ice on it and took her for a car ride to make her happy.
When we got home we noticed that my cat (after whom this account is named) was dieing again. I can speak lightly of it because the vet eventually agreed to see him even though we owe over $1000 for removing two urinary blockages and one reproductive system (so that he'll never get a blockage again). So anyway, the vet removed the blockage which he couldn't get (I'm considering a malpractice suit) and he's going to keep Tomen overnight.
I also got an e-mail back from this chick who tried to convert me to Xianity during a "survey on spirituality". In it, she partially tried to prove Biblical inerrancy, and called me and all non-Xians fools. To be more precise she quoted Psalms 14:1, which is a verse which makes you want to feed the quoter their own hands. It says: "
In light of the religious nature of that last bit, I think a verse or two is necessary:
KJV
1 Timothy 1:4-
Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do.
Titus 3:9-
But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain.
MSG (Even its abbreviation is funny!)
1 Timothy 1:4-
Apparently some people have been introducing fantasy stories and fanciful family trees that digress into silliness instead of pulling the people back into the center, deepening faith and obedience.
Titus 3:9-
Stay away from mindless, pointless quarreling over genealogies and fine print in the law code. That gets you nowhere.
Wycliffe (for the Hell of it)
1 Timothy 1:4-
nether yyue tent to fablis and genologies that ben vncerteyn, whiche yyuen questiouns, more than edificacioun of God, that is in the feith.
Titus 3:9-
And eschewe thou foltische questiouns, and genologies, and stryues, and fiytyngis of the lawe; for tho ben vnprofitable and veyn.
I think most should be able to appreciate these verses importance, the stupidity of The Message, and just how far this language has come since 1385.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Well, the Book Cult meeting wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected it to be, seeing as only 1-1.5 Xians showed up. Okay, maybe 2.5, someone had to leave for tae kwon do before stuff got religious. Anyway, it started out simple: "Who finished the book?" (Everyone but the one sure Xian [Who got confused and put it down] and tae kwon do girl [who was "reading something else"]), "What character do you most Identify with?"(Me-Jason, God-The Ten Legged One, Stacy [High Priestess of the Book Cult]-the pods, and Spike just kept saying a bunch of characters that weren't even in the book), then it got into interesting stuff about souls, cloning, Xianity, Agnosticism, whether Atheism is nonbelief in dieties or the supernatural in general, and other theological stuff. It got to loud argument status at some points, but all in all it was good. Afterwords, those of us remaining began planning our Freethinking group, BLAM! We're thinking of holding it in the school, since there are already religious groups there. Hell, we could make it a Bible study group and be welcomed with arms wide open (so long as we didin't tell them just what parts of The Bible we're studying)!
Speaking of The Bible, I'm reading and annotating it. I'm only to Genesis 2, but it's still interesting. I'm trying to stay away from what the SAB has, since they've got it already. I'm doing a lot of stuff like translation checks ("God" ('Elohiym) in Genesis seems like it should be "gods", with "LORD" (Yahweh) being one of them) and confronting modern ideas within Bible-based religions (figurative creation, for example). I'm thinking of getting it published as a "Bible companion". I can just imagine the look on a Xian's face after buying it. "There's no way they actually meant that like it sounds. I thought 'generation' meant 'race'! That's what my pastor told me! Ahhhh!"
I also think I should learn those Biblical languages and translate it. It would be refreashing having a translation by a Non-Judaio-Xian, don't you think? See how this text fairs without the watchful eyes of the pious. Might as well try for The Qur'an while I'm at it. Of course this wouldn't get done anytime soon, but hey, a guy can dream.
Speaking of The Bible, I'm reading and annotating it. I'm only to Genesis 2, but it's still interesting. I'm trying to stay away from what the SAB has, since they've got it already. I'm doing a lot of stuff like translation checks ("God" ('Elohiym) in Genesis seems like it should be "gods", with "LORD" (Yahweh) being one of them) and confronting modern ideas within Bible-based religions (figurative creation, for example). I'm thinking of getting it published as a "Bible companion". I can just imagine the look on a Xian's face after buying it. "There's no way they actually meant that like it sounds. I thought 'generation' meant 'race'! That's what my pastor told me! Ahhhh!"
I also think I should learn those Biblical languages and translate it. It would be refreashing having a translation by a Non-Judaio-Xian, don't you think? See how this text fairs without the watchful eyes of the pious. Might as well try for The Qur'an while I'm at it. Of course this wouldn't get done anytime soon, but hey, a guy can dream.
Tuesday, 16 May 2006
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Hi there! I just got done with the book Godless. It was an interesting read. Well, the book Club meeting on it will be very interesting. You see, the local "Teen Extreme" (it's scary when those kind of retarded gimmick names that do more harm than good don't get to you) book club (Half expected it to be spelled with a "k", didn't you?) is really just a bunch of people (most of whom haven't read the book) hanging out and chatting (I'm going to squeeze in another set of parenthesis, just for the fuck of it). Oddly enough, all of the people who never read the book voted for it, and those who always read the book booed and said (and I quote) "I'm not reading that godless book!" Might I add that this was all due to the title. That just shows you how much of a fucked-up fundie state I live in. I mean, no one I've heard of is pushing for creationism to be taught around here, so I guess it's okay, but some fundies say "but the Earth is only 6000 years old!" during science/history class. So it's not exactly Kansas, but it's far from England. Anyway, it's in a couple of days, and I'll inform you of what happens then.
Also, for those of you who like funny parts of the Bible, i.e.
Matthew 21:5-7 KJV-1611
(5) Tell yee the daughter of Sion, Behold, thy king commeth vnto thee, meeke, and sitting vpon an Asse, and a colt, the foale of an Asse.
(6) And the Disciples went, and did as Iesus commanded them,
(7) And brought the Asse, and the colt, and put on them their clothes, and they set him thereon.
I have found the funniest Bible ever! It's called The Message, and it's a paraphrased piece of shit in casual language! Here's those same verses:
Matthew 21:5-7 MSG
(5) Tell Zion's daughter, "Look, your king's on his way, poised and ready, mounted On a donkey, on a colt, foal of a pack animal."
(6) The disciples went and did exactly what Jesus told them to do.
(7) They led the donkey and colt out, laid some of their clothes on them, and Jesus mounted.
And if you think that's funny, here's Genesis 1:
Genesis 1:1-31 MSG
(1) First this: God created the Heavens and Earth--all you see, all you don't see.
(2) Earth was a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness. God's Spirit brooded like a bird above the watery abyss.
(3) God spoke: "Light!" And light appeared.
(4) God saw that light was good and separated light from dark.
(5) God named the light Day, he named the dark Night. It was evening, it was morning-- Day One.
(6) God spoke: "Sky! In the middle of the waters; separate water from water!"
(7) God made sky. He separated the water under sky from the water above sky. And there it was:
(8) he named sky the Heavens; It was evening, it was morning-- Day Two.
(9) God spoke: "Separate! Water-beneath-Heaven, gather into one place; Land, appear!" And there it was.
(10) God named the land Earth. He named the pooled water Ocean. God saw that it was good.
(11) God spoke: "Earth, green up! Grow all varieties of seed-bearing plants, Every sort of fruit-bearing tree." And there it was.
(12) Earth produced green seed-bearing plants, all varieties, And fruit-bearing trees of all sorts. God saw that it was good.
(13) It was evening, it was morning-- Day Three.
(14) God spoke: "Lights! Come out! Shine in Heaven's sky! Separate Day from Night. Mark seasons and days and years,
(15) Lights in Heaven's sky to give light to Earth." And there it was.
(16) God made two big lights, the larger to take charge of Day, The smaller to be in charge of Night; and he made the stars.
(17) God placed them in the heavenly sky to light up Earth
(18) And oversee Day and Night, to separate light and dark. God saw that it was good.
(19) It was evening, it was morning-- Day Four.
(20) God spoke: "Swarm, Ocean, with fish and all sea life! Birds, fly through the sky over Earth!"
(21) God created the huge whales, all the swarm of life in the waters, And every kind and species of flying birds. God saw that it was good.
(22) God blessed them: "Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Ocean! Birds, reproduce on Earth!"
(23) It was evening, it was morning-- Day Five.
(24) God spoke: "Earth, generate life! Every sort and kind: cattle and reptiles and wild animals--all kinds." And there it was:
(25) wild animals of every kind, Cattle of all kinds, every sort of reptile and bug. God saw that it was good.
(26) God spoke: "Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature So they can be responsible for the fish in the sea, the birds in the air, the cattle, And, yes, Earth itself, and every animal that moves on the face of Earth."
(27) God created human beings; he created them godlike, Reflecting God's nature. He created them male and female.
(28) God blessed them: "Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge! Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air, for every living thing that moves on the face of Earth."
(29) Then God said, "I've given you every sort of seed-bearing plant on Earth And every kind of fruit-bearing tree, given them to you for food.
(30) To all animals and all birds, everything that moves and breathes, I give whatever grows out of the ground for food." And there it was.
(31) God looked over everything he had made; it was so good, so very good! It was evening, it was morning-- Day Six.
Ain't that something? I can just imagine God in this one saying "Hehe... neat." when He sees the stuff is good. This Bible is easy to find: it's cover is white with a golden sun with big rays coming out, and the words "The Message" written in conflicting fonts (ala Night of the Living Dead). It's crazy.
But I'm running out of time. So until then, here's another passage:
Leviticus 21:18-20 KJV-1611
(18) For whatsoeuer man hee be that hath a blemish, he shall not approche: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,
(19) Or a man that is broken footed, or broken handed,
(20) Or crooke backt, or a dwarfe, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scuruy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken:
Leviticus 21:18-20 MSG
(18) That means anyone who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed,
(19) crippled in foot or hand,
(20) hunchbacked or dwarfed, who has anything wrong with his eyes, who has running sores or damaged testicles.
Also, for those of you who like funny parts of the Bible, i.e.
Matthew 21:5-7 KJV-1611
(5) Tell yee the daughter of Sion, Behold, thy king commeth vnto thee, meeke, and sitting vpon an Asse, and a colt, the foale of an Asse.
(6) And the Disciples went, and did as Iesus commanded them,
(7) And brought the Asse, and the colt, and put on them their clothes, and they set him thereon.
I have found the funniest Bible ever! It's called The Message, and it's a paraphrased piece of shit in casual language! Here's those same verses:
Matthew 21:5-7 MSG
(5) Tell Zion's daughter, "Look, your king's on his way, poised and ready, mounted On a donkey, on a colt, foal of a pack animal."
(6) The disciples went and did exactly what Jesus told them to do.
(7) They led the donkey and colt out, laid some of their clothes on them, and Jesus mounted.
And if you think that's funny, here's Genesis 1:
Genesis 1:1-31 MSG
(1) First this: God created the Heavens and Earth--all you see, all you don't see.
(2) Earth was a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness. God's Spirit brooded like a bird above the watery abyss.
(3) God spoke: "Light!" And light appeared.
(4) God saw that light was good and separated light from dark.
(5) God named the light Day, he named the dark Night. It was evening, it was morning-- Day One.
(6) God spoke: "Sky! In the middle of the waters; separate water from water!"
(7) God made sky. He separated the water under sky from the water above sky. And there it was:
(8) he named sky the Heavens; It was evening, it was morning-- Day Two.
(9) God spoke: "Separate! Water-beneath-Heaven, gather into one place; Land, appear!" And there it was.
(10) God named the land Earth. He named the pooled water Ocean. God saw that it was good.
(11) God spoke: "Earth, green up! Grow all varieties of seed-bearing plants, Every sort of fruit-bearing tree." And there it was.
(12) Earth produced green seed-bearing plants, all varieties, And fruit-bearing trees of all sorts. God saw that it was good.
(13) It was evening, it was morning-- Day Three.
(14) God spoke: "Lights! Come out! Shine in Heaven's sky! Separate Day from Night. Mark seasons and days and years,
(15) Lights in Heaven's sky to give light to Earth." And there it was.
(16) God made two big lights, the larger to take charge of Day, The smaller to be in charge of Night; and he made the stars.
(17) God placed them in the heavenly sky to light up Earth
(18) And oversee Day and Night, to separate light and dark. God saw that it was good.
(19) It was evening, it was morning-- Day Four.
(20) God spoke: "Swarm, Ocean, with fish and all sea life! Birds, fly through the sky over Earth!"
(21) God created the huge whales, all the swarm of life in the waters, And every kind and species of flying birds. God saw that it was good.
(22) God blessed them: "Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Ocean! Birds, reproduce on Earth!"
(23) It was evening, it was morning-- Day Five.
(24) God spoke: "Earth, generate life! Every sort and kind: cattle and reptiles and wild animals--all kinds." And there it was:
(25) wild animals of every kind, Cattle of all kinds, every sort of reptile and bug. God saw that it was good.
(26) God spoke: "Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature So they can be responsible for the fish in the sea, the birds in the air, the cattle, And, yes, Earth itself, and every animal that moves on the face of Earth."
(27) God created human beings; he created them godlike, Reflecting God's nature. He created them male and female.
(28) God blessed them: "Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge! Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air, for every living thing that moves on the face of Earth."
(29) Then God said, "I've given you every sort of seed-bearing plant on Earth And every kind of fruit-bearing tree, given them to you for food.
(30) To all animals and all birds, everything that moves and breathes, I give whatever grows out of the ground for food." And there it was.
(31) God looked over everything he had made; it was so good, so very good! It was evening, it was morning-- Day Six.
Ain't that something? I can just imagine God in this one saying "Hehe... neat." when He sees the stuff is good. This Bible is easy to find: it's cover is white with a golden sun with big rays coming out, and the words "The Message" written in conflicting fonts (ala Night of the Living Dead). It's crazy.
But I'm running out of time. So until then, here's another passage:
Leviticus 21:18-20 KJV-1611
(18) For whatsoeuer man hee be that hath a blemish, he shall not approche: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,
(19) Or a man that is broken footed, or broken handed,
(20) Or crooke backt, or a dwarfe, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scuruy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken:
Leviticus 21:18-20 MSG
(18) That means anyone who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed,
(19) crippled in foot or hand,
(20) hunchbacked or dwarfed, who has anything wrong with his eyes, who has running sores or damaged testicles.
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