Monday, August 22, 2005

Hello again! O'er the weekend me and the family went to the new house (we're moving soon, but I'll stay in the same metro [at least here on Xanga]) and stayed for a couple of nights. Whilst we were there we met another neighbor and got my room somewhat more livable (removed the linoleum, got rid of the nails in the walls, tore down these boards covering up the chimney, vacuumed, and scrubbed the walls and floor).
We also investigated the nearby graveyard. As most cemeteries around here are, it was filled with crosses and that stupid praying hands thingy that every Xian's afraid to admit looks stupid, and stuff about how they're in heaven. Just once I'd like to see a non-Xian symbol, or a text against the afterlife, or even someone saying they're in Hell on their tombstone. Sometimes I wonder if non-Xians even get buried up here in Minnesota. That, along with the fact that 99.99% of all tombstones are in Times New Roman (a font that I only use because of Xanga's limited selections) takes some of the fun out of graveyard walking. But what I saw on one of the gates was even worse. A cross. On the fucking gate! That's kind of like pissing on the graves of the non-Xians, wouldn't you agree? I should throw rocks at it until it comes down. I hope the church across the street doesn't call the cops (though I think I could handle it if they just called God). It wasn't all bad, though. There were a few graves that had hilarious nonsensical inscriptions like "Asleep in Jesus" and "Not lost, but gone early". That's probably why zombies eat everyone. They want revenge for their bad tombstone inscriptions. Do me a favor: Xians, if you are still Xian when you die, get a hilarious inscription like those ones up there. Non-Xians, proclaim your beliefs just as loudly on your tombstone (I need a thesaurus) as the Christophiles.
Anyway, when we got back we played with our dogs Luby and Chancey, and then when Luby jumped and started scratching her face we noticed that we were under a wasp nest. Later we notice her eyelid was puffed up. We put ice on it and took her for a car ride to make her happy.
When we got home we noticed that my cat (after whom this account is named) was dieing again. I can speak lightly of it because the vet eventually agreed to see him even though we owe over $1000 for removing two urinary blockages and one reproductive system (so that he'll never get a blockage again). So anyway, the vet removed the blockage which he couldn't get (I'm considering a malpractice suit) and he's going to keep Tomen overnight.
I also got an e-mail back from this chick who tried to convert me to Xianity during a "survey on spirituality". In it, she partially tried to prove Biblical inerrancy, and called me and all non-Xians fools. To be more precise she quoted Psalms 14:1, which is a verse which makes you want to feed the quoter their own hands. It says: " The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.", or in The Message: "A David psalm. Bilious and bloated, they gas, "God is gone." Their words are poison gas, fouling the air; they poison Rivers and skies; thistles are their cash crop." (That last one confuses me). Of course, she only quoted the fool part, leaving out the part that says that I'm pure evil. That, of course, is like me ending my e-mail with "You'd have to be some sort of idiot to be a Christian" (I tried to be nice and avoid using "Xian" in my last e-mail. That will now stop.)

In light of the religious nature of that last bit, I think a verse or two is necessary:

KJV
1 Timothy 1:4-
Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do.

Titus 3:9-
But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain.

MSG (Even its abbreviation is funny!)
1 Timothy 1:4-
Apparently some people have been introducing fantasy stories and fanciful family trees that digress into silliness instead of pulling the people back into the center, deepening faith and obedience.

Titus 3:9-
Stay away from mindless, pointless quarreling over genealogies and fine print in the law code. That gets you nowhere.

Wycliffe (for the Hell of it)
1 Timothy 1:4-
nether yyue tent to fablis and genologies that ben vncerteyn, whiche yyuen questiouns, more than edificacioun of God, that is in the feith.

Titus 3:9-
And eschewe thou foltische questiouns, and genologies, and stryues, and fiytyngis of the lawe; for tho ben vnprofitable and veyn.

I think most should be able to appreciate these verses importance, the stupidity of The Message, and just how far this language has come since 1385.