Monday, March 16, 2006: Since I always accidently use it, I switched to British English. Tell me if it looks too odd.

Well, I decided to write a blog entry at home on Microsoft Word, since over spring break I can’t reach a computer with internet access. Alright, so I just came back from the library, but that time was taken up with checking e-mails, comments, and updates on sites. Also with Anglo-Saxon—Old English for those of you who don’t think that that’s Shakespeare—lessons. I’m thinking of translating my blog once I get proficient enough, but I’ll probably become disillusioned with it soon after starting.


At any rate, to news: First, let’s talk about that checking of updates. Evidently, the library’s new content filter blocks Normal Bob Smith dot com as adult content! Why on earth would they do that? I mean, it’s just a humour site. But, then I went to their web site. Evidently, it includes “crude and tasteless” material. How do they define that? Well, it may include things insulting religion, if I know society. So, if they ever contact me, I’ll have to see if they block sites such as Chick Publications for the same reason, since it applies just as much to Christian sites as it does to Atheist ones—or at least it should. I wouldn’t want to do that, though. Some people would want to go to those. Of course, that isn’t the worst of their overdone censorship. The other ones I remember are:


Pornography/recreational nudity:

… [This] includes naturism, streaking, and other activities which include nudity/see-through clothing.


Bathing suits/underwear/lingerie

Sites which have pictures of models in bathing suits, lingerie, and other highly revealing attire.


Alternative lifestyles:

Non-pornographic sites with information about gay, lesbian, and bisexual lifestyles and activities.


News and information:

Sites with news topics and information. This is useful for business computers and other situations where time-wasting is undesired.


Games:

Sites which have games. This includes strategy, puzzle, and other single player, non-betting games.


Personal sites:

Sites such as Geocities, Xanga, and Angelfire, which offer free personal web pages.


Search sites:

Sites which search a catalog or part of the internet.


Translators:

Sites that offer electronic translation services.


Web-based e-mail

Sites which offer free web-based e-mail.


Religion:

Any site which advocates worship of a Supreme Being as the Creator of the Universe.


That last one really caught me off guard. You wouldn’t expect any company to offer a filter which blocks all information on monotheism, and even less to claim to block all religion. Luckily, you pick which ones you want, and according to the local teen librarian—who is against all internet filters—they only took pornography and adult content.


Anyways, next I would like to talk about the dumbing down of everyone. Let’s start with baby’s first words. Now, I like to imagine a time when people would actually try to have their infants say “mother” and “father,” but judging by how different the word “dad” is from “father,” that was quite some time ago. Still, I’d like to imagine some tenth-century peasant looking at his offspring and telling him to “cweð fæder.” At first he just looks at him and spits a little, but then his developing synapses begin to fire. “Ffdǽdderrr!” “Ná, Ná.” says the father: “Fæder. Cweð fæder.” “Dæder!” “Fæder, mín cild, fæder.” At any rate, this goes on for some time, and then he gets quite angry, seeing as his ass—the animal, you moron—just died, and yells “FÆDER! HIT IS FÆDER!” Then the infant starts crying. Being a caring fæder, he tries to calm his infant, saying “Sc, sc. Hit is dæder. Hit is dæder. Scscsc.” He gets the child to stop crying, but somehow forgets to tell his wife about their infant’s new word.


So the cild is raised with the word dæder as part of his vocabulary, and when his son is an infant he teaches him the word thinking nothing of it. This spreads over the years, until in 1066 England is invaded by the French. Now, the French didn’t like how the English spelled things, so they had them not write Englisc at all, and if they had to, not to use the letters þ, ð, or æ, along with no accent marks. That, along with the virtual silence of –er in French—and thus Anglo-French—resulted in the familiar word “dad.”


This was more or less stable for about nine centuries, with people even starting to talk about “dad,” a word they never would have admitted to back when it was “dæder”—which would explain why the dictionary doesn’t give a strait answer on the origins of word “dad.” The original dialogue was even imitated by a mother, who begrudgingly let her child think that she was a “mom,” as opposed to a mother.


But then came the gender wars. During those, the mother and father fought to see whether their children would say “mom” or “dad” first. Then came the worst assault on the English language yet—mama and dada. Judging by these atrocities, all we need is a kick up in gender wars or another dead ass, and parents will start counting “d-d-d-d” as a word.


Well, I can’t think of an English lesson for today. Perhaps you should be proud of yourself. But heed my warning: teach any children you might have in the future the words “father” and “mother.” Perhaps we can curtail this; just like that tenth-century peasant did with fæder. Farewell and have a good life.